Thursday 7/31/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 31, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Thursday here in the Mini Mansion (and the rest of the world, I guess…), and we’ve got the best way to start your day right here!

The show began this fine morning with the first in our series of “Sextionary” words. Slang terms for sex have apparently been around for much longer than you would think, and they make way less sense than some of the ones we have now. We have a few guesses of what “giving a girl a green gown” means, but you probably don’t want to hear them. Anyway, our models came in and acted out some modern examples of sexual slang while Kevin and Andrea tried to guess what it was. Colloquialism sounds like a bad word, but it isn’t.

After that, we paid tribute to the technology of today, by celebrating the selfie. We’ve come a long way in the last decade, and we ran through all the ways hot chicks had to take pictures of themselves before the invention of camera phones. We saw some polaroids, sitting on a photocopy machine, and even simple tracing, and it made us realize… technology has a million practical applications, but it’s mostly just used for sex.

We took a short break, and then came back with a Battle of the Babes: Petite Women vs. Tall Women edition. After a Jug-o-War, Trampoline Trivia, and Posing with the Enemy, the Tall Women came out on top, which is surprisingly appropriate. 

Wednesday 7/30/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 30, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Smack dab in the middle of the week, and we’re dab-smacking like it’s our job. What’s that mean exactly? We’re not sure, but it sounds dirty, so we just went with it.

We started the show again with something that may give you deja vu… Kevin has once again entered the Lay’s flavor-creator contest, and once again claims his idea was stolen by some other person! Two years in a row is a hefty accusation, and while our lawyers are drawing up the paperwork, we looked at a Topless 10 “Laid” sexy chip flavors. We wouldn’t mind getting our hands a little dirty in these bags.

After that, we featured Jessica in our Hot Model Adoption. Instead of writing about it, we’re just gonna imagine that Sarah McLachlan song is playing in the background. We suggest you do the same.

model

Next, it was time to get all historical up in here, with “This Day In History.” Only 12 short years ago, we witnessed the first woman to dunk in a professional basketball game. To celebrate her achievement, our hot models showed off their moves, and then did it again in super slow-mo. We need to utilize our replay technology a lot more.

We took a short break, and then broke into the Wheel of Fantasy. We gave you two for the price of one today, watching a hot cop pat-down and a nurse check-up back-to-back. Normally those two things would be horrible to have right after each other, but for some reason we don’t really mind it this time.

Finally, we welcomed in Simon, a real-life tow truck driver who helped us judge a “don’t tow my car, mister!” strip-tease contest, inspired by the true events of a Russian stripper. We don’t speak Russian, but it sounds like she offered him a jack for his tow.

Tuesday 7/29/13

Posted in Uncategorized on July 29, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

The thing about the human body is… everybody’s got at least one. It’s a very special Playboy Morning Show – Body Edition.

We got the blood pumping early on with a little help from derriere extraordinaire, Drew. She’s queen of the butt-selfies (or, “shelfies”), and she gave us some helpful tips, tricks, and twists that you can do to make your backside your best side.

After that, we went deeper… and maybe got under some people’s skin. That’s right, we’re using the magical power of x-ray technology to make fun of people who got things stuck inside of them in a segment we call “XXX-ray.” Our girls guessed what exactly the object in question was, and what it was possibly doing jammed inside someone. The only thing more embarrassing than losing the remote is finding it in your rectum.

Next, we chatted via Skype with Marisa Paska, of YogaBodyRio and their “Seven Sexy Chakras” retreat, a yoga retreat that takes place in Brazil and focuses on getting in tune with your body and its own sexiness. We can get behind that, especially if they’re in downward dog. Marisa even led our ladies through some poses, even though she’s all the way in South America. We officially live in the future, and it is glorious.

yoga

After a short break, we kept the body ball rolling by talking with Alex Wong, who’s started a Kickstarter campaign to fund the “World’s Biggest Dick Drawing.” Every dollar gives the drawing one more inch, and he’s already over 400% of his initial $100 goal. That’s a 36-foot-long dick… and growing.

 In honor of Alex’s noble quest, we played a quick round of “Dicktionary,” a spin on our classic girl-on-girl art class “Chicktionary,” only featuring clues that all have something to do with dicks. We only got through one clue, but maybe that was for the best…

ladies

Monday 7/28/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 28, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Greetings and Salutations, Friends of Playboy! It’s time to start the week out on the right foot, and if the shoe fits, we’ll start one sock at a time. That’s a lot of foot talk for so early on a Monday. I apologize.

Anyway, we began things around these parts today by checking out some furniture made to look, feel, and even smell like human skin. Nothing brightens up a home like a Ted Bundy-esque recliner and ottoman set. We, naturally, wanted to try our hand at this “art,” so we had our girls model some hot-girl furniture like the hat rack with a rack and rear end table.

After that, we ran through a couple of Good Naked/Bad Naked stories. We re-enacted a story about a bunch of drunk naked dudes stealing burger meat in the dead of night, and did not re-enact a story of a couple who got arrested for getting it on in the middle of the day on a crowded public beach. Our models were pretty disappointed they didn’t get the chance to take a swing at that one.

Following the theatrical part of our show, we talked via Skype with Amazon Amanda, a fetish model who gets paid by men to sit on them. At 6’3”, 285 lbs. that’s a lotta woman. She gave us a short tutorial on her techniques, and the phrase “different strokes for different folks” definitely rang true.

After a quick break, we gave our hot models a little quiz on their knowledge of squash and face-sitting positions in an Amazon-themed “Position Impossible.” These are your day-to-day sexual positions, and our girls went a whopping 0 for 3. Must not be their style.

Finally, we welcomed in Currie Graham, Brando Eaton, and Mitch Ryan from the new film “Cabin Fever: Patient Zero,” and played a round of “Playboy Feud” with the guys as patients, and our ladies as naughty nurses. In this head-to-head round we tied and ran out of time, but we’d like to take this opportunity to remind you to get yourself a check-up. Because you never know if your nurse will be hot, until you try.

guys

after

Thursday 7/24/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Happy Thursday, folks! Here’s our little show:

The festivities began this morning with the first of four “Good News” segments. The news can be such a downer (seems especially so lately), so we took it upon ourselves to brighten your day and let you know that good things ARE still going on. Things are always good here in the Mini Mansion, we’re surrounded by naked ladies.

After that, we chatted with our buddy Mr. Skin, and even re-created some of his pics using our hot models Erika, Rayshell, and Adria. Celebs are one thing, but real-live re-creations give them a run for their money.

Following that, we checked out a new app that’s in beta right now, and it’s called Nipple.IQ. It’s a sexual tracking app that allows you to anonymously tell the world when you have sex, how you have sex, etc. and it takes the data and tells you where you fit in the world. Ever wanted to know how many people worldwide got oral sex today? Well now you can!

We took a short break and then welcomed in Annabella Gutman, Miss Los Angeles 2014! Annabella gave us the low-down on the behind-the-scenes action that goes on at these pageants, and we put our girls to the test in our Pageant School. They learned balance, the art of the Q and A, and honed their quick-change skills. We think they’re ready for their own dash for a sash.

annabella

Wednesday 7/23/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 23, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Everybody do the Hump-Day-Hump! It’s the Playboy Morning Show.

We got things going this morning by chatting with not one, but TWO brand-new Playboy Models in our Hot Model Adoption. Margaret and Stephanie beguiled us as they regaled some tales of their past, and their sexual hopes for the future. We even got them to do an impromptu photo-shoot session with us, free of charge.

girls

After that, we brought in Amber and Sara and talked to all four girls about Comic Con, which starts this week down in San Diego. It’s not just for nerds anymore, as more and more hot girls are getting their cosplay on, so we decided to have these ladies come up with their very own superhero using the mountain of props and costumes that we have here at our disposal. We’re super stoked to see what they come up with…

While the ladies were getting dressed up, we welcomed in Omari Hardwick, star of the Starz show “Power,” which is executive produced by 50 Cent. We talked to Omari about doing fake drugs on TV and how he approached Fiddy about his terrible first pitch. Andrea even stepped up to the plate and threw a nice fastball (or, fast apple) right at Omari’s head! Good thing he’s got all that football training, that could’ve done some damage.

after

We took a short break and then came back to play Creepy or Horny, which is just what it sounds like. Today’s subject was a Japanese man who likes to dress up like an anime schoolgirl. You be the judge.

Finally, it was time to reveal the superheroines! We saw the whole gamut of powers, costumes, and sweet fighting moves, but the real test… was one of the mind. That’s right, it’s a super special edition of Know It or Show It, the world’s longest-running naked game show. After a thorough test of all things comics, we found out that these ladies don’t really have what it takes to beat the nerds at their own game. Maybe next year, girls.

Tuesday 7/22/14

Posted in Uncategorized on July 22, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s another Booby Tuesday here in the MIni Mansion, so let’s check it out.

Today we began by checking out a story about a husband who wrote up a spreadsheet that outlined all the times his wife refused him sex, and her excuse. There were the old staples (headaches, tiredness) and some new ones (just got back from the gym, “Friends” is on). We decided to ask our Hot Girl Focus Group about their own Sex-cuses and what they thought of this woman’s reasons for shutting her man down. Note that the opinions of hot girls reflected in this segment do not necessarily reflect the views of the Playboy Morning Show, but they probably do.

Next, we talked on the phone with Garyn Angel, founder of Magical Butter, a device about the size of a french press that you can use to make cannabis-inspired butters and even sexual weed creams. Just don’t mix up the two.Then again…

After a short break, we welcomed in rapper and star of the MTV2 show “Mac Miller and the Most Dope Family,” Mac Miller himself. Mac talked about his show returning for a second season, and we even were kind enough to read him some of the criticisms that Youtubers made about the last season.

macmiller

Finally, we brought in our ladies to play a quick game of Last Nipple Standing, where they froze their poor boobs in the name of competition. The girl whose nipple got the most rock-hard and stayed that way would win, but when you play such a game of kings, everyone wins.

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