Wednesday 8/20/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 20, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

We had a particularly viral show today in the Mini Mansion, and I’m not talking about HPV…

The show got going this morning as we continued our Bootie Pageant! After today, we’ll be one step closer to crowning Miss U-Ass-A, and today’s contestants Tania and Heleana may just have what it takes. We ran through our physical, sexual, and creative rounds today in style: a backward catwalk, squat contest, and a little ass music. Let us know who you think should move on to the next round on Twitter, and take part in the greatest American tradition: voting for asses.

Next, we brought in our guest, famous Youtuber Jack Douglass of jacksfilms. Jack puts out an astounding four new videos every single week, and has over a million subscribers, which allows him to rack up views like a hot chick at a nude beach.



But! Youtube comes with comments, and some of them are nastier than others, which led us to our game: Constructive Criticism! We took those remarks and softened the blow by having our girls get more naked the meaner they got. And it really works, it’s almost like by the end we’re not paying attention.

We took a short break and then continued our internet-themed show by welcoming in famous Vine-ers Rudy Mancuso, Jason Nash, and King Bach. Our guest host for the week Simon is a particularly big force on Vine in his own right, and definitely had some great tips and tricks to bring up. And they ended up needing them, as we played a Vine-centric round of Chicktionary. If we only had to last six seconds, life would be a lot easier.


Tuesday 8/19/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 19, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

In the Mini Mansion, it’s always time for titties. You don’t need a clock, you just need to watch.

We started the show today by listening to Andrea and our week-long guest host Simon Rex talk Thai massages. They’ve got a good point: wouldn’t it make more sense to have a happy beginning rather than a happy ending? That got us thinking: why pick one?

After that, we checked out the Ice Bucket Challenges that we’re positive you’ve seen online by now. We wanted to try our hand at it, but we didn’t want to waste any water because of California’s crazy drought. If there’s one thing we love more than our hot models, it’s environmentalism, so we had some mystery substances in lieu of water. As Nasia came in to “donate” some clothes to a good cause, Mariela got lubed up, milked out, and honey glazed from one bucket after another. All proceeds go to the ASS foundation.

Next, Kat came into the studio, decked out in a monk’s satin robe and religious candle to take place in a Boobtism! She got her bust enhanced from an A to a Double D, bless her heart, and we wanted to make sure they got into boob heaven. After the ritualistic confession came the splashing of the holy sink water and the process was complete. Go in peace.

We continued on with Day 2 of Playboy’s Bootie Pageant. Today’s contestants are Leia and Danielle and they showed their stuff with the “Shelfie,” Lap Dance, and Butt Race. We were so mesmerized watching this that we need YOUR help picking a winner. Hit us up on Twitter and we’ll let you know who comes out on top tomorrow.

We took a quick break and came back to see that Andrea had turned the tables on her guest host counterpart by sneakily checking out the pictures on his phone, and sharing them with us. It’s always nice to see Andrea’s devious side… or any side really.

Finally, we welcomed in Jake Anderson, star of the Discovery Channel show “Deadliest Catch.” Besides working on a fishing boat (and being on TV), he’s also an author! His book, “Relapse,” is out on Amazon and at Barnes and Noble. We wanted to showcase his fishing knowledge here, so we played the Sexiest Catch, where our girls tried their best to answer questions related to nautical trivia. Maybe they should cast their nets in other waters.

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Monday 8/18/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 18, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Monday, and Playboy’s got a brand new bag! That’s right, for a whole week we’ve got guest host Simon Rex in the Mini Mansion in the coveted seat next to Andrea. You know what they say: location, location, location.


To celebrate Simon’s first show with us (and to let him know how things go in our magical world), we wanted to ceremoniously pop his cherry. Miranda and Bobbi came in and sandwiched some red balloons ’til they burst. We’ve never wanted to be a balloon so badly. Well, there was that one time…

After that, we talked butts. All around the world, people are having “best bum” competitions, even places where they’re not known for large posteriors… like Korea! We, however, ARE known for lavish backsides, and we wanted to put our best butt forward. It’s Playboy’s Bootie Pageant and today’s contestants are Ruby and Drew. The competitions are “Shelfing,” “Twerk-Off,” and “Butt Painting,” and it’s up to you to decide who you want to come back at the end of the week. 

We took a quick break and then we did a little Q & T & A to get to know Simon a little bit better. If only all press junkets were similarly dressed, it’d make the news a lot more titillating. 

Finally, we welcomed in Nev Schulman, host of the MTV show “Catfish,” and star of the movie of the same name. We figured that he’s got lots of experience putting actual faces to information, so we played our favorite game, Name That Alleged Perv. Our girls even got in on the action and proved that hot chicks are much better at detecting pervs than the rest of us. It’s almost like they’ve done it before…



Thursday 8/14/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 14, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It was Kevin’s last day with the Morning Show, and we wanted to send him off in style… Check it out:

We started with a montage of some of Kevin’s greatest moments… of yelling at the crew. There’ve been a lot, and we didn’t have to dig too deep or go back too far to find more than enough. We love you too, Kevvy.

After that, we looked at some of Kevin’s actual best moments from the past 8 or so years. It started to get a little emotional in the studio… we’ve definitely had some good times. And some great tits, too.

Next, we talked to Mr. Skin on the phone, who brought us celebrity nudity, as per the norm, and also had a very nice farewell message for Kevin. It seems they’ve finally buried the Pun-on-Pun hatchet, and (we can’t believe we’re saying this) we may actually miss hearing them.

Following Skin’s call, we showed a very special message from Tony Little, of late-night infomercial fame, who wanted to add his voice to all the other ringing out in wishing Kevin the best. It just goes to show you that a Little can mean a lot.

Then, it was time for Spin the Model, a fabulous game that features models spinning each other and then engaging in some good, down ‘n dirty Lesbian Chicken. It’s every high schooler’s fantasy, except our girls really went for it. And then some.

We took a short break and then welcomed in some surprise guests for Kevin… first of all we had Playmate Dani Mathers, who is a regular on our show and wanted to thank Kevin for helping her on her path to greatness. See, Kevin can do some things right.

Then after that, it was none other than Cooper Hefner presenting Kevin with a signed picture of Hugh to really put the cherry on top of his sundae of gratitude.

As Kevin took one last look around the studio, he walked out into the sunset… which in this case means a gaggle of screaming, naked girls. Bon voyage, Kevin. See you on the other side.


Wednesday 8/13/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 13, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s another Weird Wednesday here in the Mini Mansion. Let’s give this show the ol’ elevator eyes.

We started things off with a little mystery… We had a special guest on Skype who turned out to be none other than our long-lost friend Robin Leach, all the way from his home in Vegas. It’s been a while since we’ve seen Robin and we had a lot to catch up on, including his farewell wish for Kevin. It’s enough to make a grown man cry. Or at least run away to Vegas for a weekend.

After that, we heard from Dustin and Cassandra, our Food Porn contest winners, who had a goodbye food porn for Kevin, using all the flavors of Lay’s new contest in his honor. Now if we could only get him the recognition he deserves… 

Next, we had another little surprise for Kevin… funny man Brad Williams is in the house! Brad chewed the fat with Kevin and Andrea about what he’s been up to since we last saw him, and wished Kevin a fine goodbye as well.

While Brad was in, we sent in our models to sit next to him (which he was nice enough to allow), and they played a round of Tit Pics, where we saw pictures of things that looked like boobs, and everyone tried to come up with their best caption. Their phrases weren’t so good, but man are they hot.

We took a short break and then it was time to get a very special call from… Kevin’s Mom. Aww. She wished him the best and it was a very special mother-son moment… until Kevin brought up his birth. Well, it is what it is. 

Finally, we also welcomed in Lahna Turner, comedian and songstress promoting her new special “So… I Wrote a Song About It.” She joined Brad on the couch and talked about whether or not she could take him in a comedian-on-comedian fight. Not in so many words, but we can read between the lines.

After the show today, we played a very special Kevin-centric game of Hefardy, we’re calling KEV-ardy. Be sure to check it out. Also it’s Kevin’s last day, so you do not want to miss all the tearful goodbyes and rear-full good thighs. That’s a stretch, but I’m sticking with it.


Tuesday 8/12/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 12, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to Tuesday in the Mini Mansion, we have a big announcement and we won’t waste time getting to it…

Kevin announced today that he is leaving the show at the end of the week after a great 7+ year run. This may come as quite a shock, but he insists that we will soon get over the abrupt change. In lieu of writing his own farewell speech, he used the one used on “The View” a mere day ago. Don’t ever change, Kevvy. We’ll miss you.

On the phone was a little mystery guest we set up for Kevin in his last week within these hallowed walls. It didn’t take long to realize that it was none other than the hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy. He even was nice enough to send Kevin a little telephonic harmonica concert to honor him. We assume he was using his mouth.

Speaking of music, our next surprise guest for Kevin was another favorite from shows past, Kitty Davis, topless opera singer. Kitty came in her finest horny hat (that’s actual horns, fyi) and belted out an original tune about Kevin walking off into the sunset. 

But! It’s not all about Kevin, and we have a show to bring to you fine folks. So next, we chatted with Justin Sylvester via Skype. You may have seen Justin’s maternity pictures he took of his own belly on the internet; he took the photos because his wife didn’t want to. It worked out for him, because he got a year of free pizza out of it. That’s our barometer for success.

Next, we welcomed in Melissa Howe of the Howe Twins for some Howe To. Now, Carla is once again missing in action, so Melissa is playing the part of Carla. Since they’re twins it shouldn’t be too hard to suspend your disbelief. We watched her pack a box, and no, that’s not a euphemism for anything.

After a short break, we saw a very lovely video message for Kevin from Pillow Dan. Dan’s looking more spry than ever, even fighting off a horse who’s trying to attack his junk. It was a glorious sight to see.

We then welcomed in Robin Marshall, author of “Diary of a Sugar Mom: Don’t Tell the Kids.” The book is “fact-tion,” or “part fact, part fiction,” so you know it’s juicy. To round out the show, the girls joined Robin on the couch and tried their best to walk across the studio and pin a dick on a picture of Kevin. They had some trouble, but we really can’t blame them.

Thursday 8/7/14

Posted in Uncategorized on August 7, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s our favorite day of the week in the Mini Mansion: Thirsty Thursday. It’s just like every other day of the week, except more alliterative.

The show got goin’ this mornin’ with a talk about our dear Andrea’s health. She’s gonna try to tough it out through her stomach pains, and we know she’s done it before. At least this one doesn’t involve the police.

We then talked with our ol’ buddy Mr. Skin, who showed us all things celebrity nudity, including the ever-popular Skin shows “Californication,” and “Masters of Sex.” Those are two of those rare shows that seem to do most of the leg work for us… maybe it should be called “skin work.”

Next, we brought in Charles Baker, best known as ‘Skinny Pete’ from the show “Breaking Bad,” who is promoting his new show “Murder in the First” on TNT. Charles plays shady characters very well, but we wanted to see how good he is at recognizing naughty behavior. So, we brought in our models for a little game we call Innocent Until Proven Filthy, where we hear real stories from one of these girls and try to pin it on the guilty one. Just think of it as a sexier “Usual Suspects.”


We took a short break and then came back with Erika filling in for an ailing Andrea.

Then, it was time to bring in Riff Raff, rapper extraordinaire, to talk about his new album “NEON iCON.” He may not look it, but he’s a hard-working dude and knows talent when he sees it, which is why we brought in our models-turned-aspiring-rappers to drop some fresh beats. The game’s called Doggy Freestyle, because the rhymes have to be spun from doggy style. Riff was even kind enough to give the girls some brand-new rapper names. They done changed the game.



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