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Thursday 10/23/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 23, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to the Playboy Morning Show here in the Mini Mansion, today’s guest host is Steve Greene: comedian, football aficionado and caffeine consumer. We like him already.

Things got started today when we discussed the world of celebrity plastic surgery, as we’re having a hard time believing that Renee Zellweger looks like she does these days. We looked at some other notable examples, some more drastic (and made up) than others.

Speaking of celebrity’s skin, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone (it is Thursday, after all) to tell us about Cameron Diaz’s nude debut (with some pictures), and helped coin the phrase “jerkin’ to a merkin” while talking about Lena Headey and “Game of Thrones.” We’re definitely stealing that one.

After that, we celebrated the World Series getting underway with a new game called Stolen Bases, where we welcomed in our players Destiny, Dani, and Veronica to step up to the plate and try to make it all the way around the diamond by answering some baseball trivia questions. In order to steal bases, they had to compete in sexy challenges, including bat dancing and putting condiments on their buns. Their clothes were going, going, gone!

We took a break and came back to Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em for this weekend’s games. If you’re a Broncos or Patriots fan, Andrea’s boobs have predicted a happy weekend for you, and not just because you got to see Andrea’s boobs.

We then had a little informative segment where our models came in and showed us how to correctly get out of your Ebola-ridden nurse’s garb, should you find yourself in that compromising position. We called it Ebola Striptease, and we didn’t learn a single thing. Fun to watch, though.

Our guest today was Kip Pardue, star of the new horror film “Missionary,” about a Mormon missionary who has some dark secrets lurking beneath his white oxford shirt… Don’t come to the door when that guy comes knocking.

We can’t hear “missionary” without thinking sex, so we brought our girls in to play a special Halloween-themed Position Impossible, where the answers featured some skeletons boning each other. The best thing about skeleton sex is that they’re gender-less, race-less, age-less, and all pretty much weigh the same. Now that’s inclusive.

Wednesday 10/22/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

We had another great show today, with another new guest host next to Andrea! Today’s handsome gentleman is Evan Paley, who is a born and bred Angeleno, which is nice because he saved a ton on plane tickets.

The show got started when we met our new model Vy (pronounced “vee”) and had her walk us through one of her sexy stories in a segment we call Kiss-tory. While she gave us all the juicy details, Jenna and Melissa acted it out on the fly. Note to self: wash the seat in a photo booth next time you use one.

After that, we had our models stick around to play a new game called Guess the Cup Size, where we see a picture of a girl and try to guess what her cup size is. Seems pretty straight-forward, but some of these ladies were in some rather, um, compromising positions. Even with a UFO in the background, it’s hard not to stare.

We then welcomed in Miss September Stephanie Branton, who went from being a model on our show to the tip-top of the Playboy pyramid. We’re very proud of her, and we wanted to show some of what we remember as her best work: our “The Urge” trailer from back in the day. No wonder she made Playmate. As per tradition, she moved through her Playmate Pick Six, and finished as the very first Playmate to get all six correct! She must be more proud now than ever.

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We took a break and then came back to welcome the band Radical Something, who are blowing up with their take on So-Cal hip-hop/reggae/alt-rock. They are currently touring, so be sure to see when they’re nearest to you and pile you and your friends into your VW van and get totally freaky. People still talk like that right?

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In their honor, we played a very quick round of Wheel of Fantasy: Breast Coast Edition, and the band closed out the show by performing one of their songs right here in our studio. It’s a Mini Concert in the Mini Mansion!

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Tuesday 10/21/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to a fantastic Tuesday here on Planet Earth, especially in the Mini Mansion. Contrary to popular belief, we do not operate from a secret base on the moon.

The guest host carousel isn’t showing any signs of slowing down, as we welcomed the fabulous Rich Aronovitch into the studio today. Rich told us he got a haircut for the show, but we’re more than a little bit skeptical…

Today also saw us re-introduce into the public lexicon some words that have been lost to the grim march of time, in a segment we call Ye Olde Sex Terms. The very sexy Audrey Mae gave us the definitions of words from the past and even used them in a sentence. We’re definitely going to be using “beard-splitter” on the regular.

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We then welcomed in fashion designer Adam Saaks, who has gained worldwide acclaim for cutting dresses while women are wearing them! We think it’s a little unfair that he gets paid exorbitant amounts of money to do this, but when we tried we just got slapped with a subpoena. But we’ll let it slide, because he’s much better at it than we are. His creations go for hundreds of dollars a pop, and he’s willing to let us watch as he demonstrates his techniques on our model, Jacalyn.

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While he was doing that, we wanted to show everyone that it’s not just some guy cutting dresses willy-nilly, we let our models Drew and Lindsey try it out for themselves. We’d have to check in on the results later in the show…

After a short break, we came back to talk to Naomi Grossman on Skype, who is one of the breakout stars of the most popular show on TV right now: “American Horror Story: Freakshow.” She plays Pepper, and it takes her over three hours every day to get into makeup for the character (she even shaved her head!). Now that’s dedication. Be sure to check out the show Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, especially if you like a good spook.

We then let our girls show their scissoring abilities by strutting their stuff in the Cut-walk Fashion Show. For first timers, they did pretty well, but nothing compared to Adam’s skills, and he said he wasn’t even done! We thought it looked amazing, and Jacalyn’s body didn’t hurt, either.

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Finally, we closed the show with some Know It or Show It, and even though the girls had Adam as a lifeline, they felt confident enough in their abilities not to use him the entire time. You can guess how that worked out.

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Monday 10/20/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 20, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Well, we blinked and the weekend went by. But fret not! The Playboy Morning Show is here to help you get over your hangover and on to the next one.

The show started with an introduction to our guest host for the day, the incomparable Andy Dick! We appreciate Andy waking up so early to be on our show, we know how much he likes to party. He’s basically a champion.

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In honor of Mr. Dick joining us, we played a little game called Stick the Dick, where our girls selected a penis cut-out from our ample selection and tried their best to pin it onto a little poster of a Dick-less Andy. Cody got closest with her cactus dick, and regaled us of her story that she partied with Andy and bought him a couple shots. No wonder she won.

After that, we Titty Picked us some football. Tonight’s match-up between the Steelers and the Texans is going to go Pittsburgh’s way according to the incredible picking power of Andrea’s left breast. Get your bookie on the horn, because Andrea’s nipples are always a hot tip.

Since Sweetest Day was this weekend (don’t worrry, we forgot too), we played a quick round of Candy TIT-les, where our girls acted out names of candies for Andrea and Andy to guess. Andrea blasted Andy in this game about candy, proving that she’s fine and dandy. Ugh. That last sentence was too sweet for even Sweetest Day. Sorry about that.

After a quick break we returned to welcome in 4-time and current Mr. Olympia, Phil Heath! All you need is one look and you can see why he’s the best in the business, but he also shared why his choice of swimsuit color matters (coordination is a big part of presentation, everybody).

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Since we had Phil here, we wanted to make him feel at home by having our models do some Feets of Strength. Amber, Cody, Destiny, and Heather all strutted their foot-stuff and competed in the presentation, dexterity, and speed rounds to see who’s got the best shoe-stuffers. Phil determined that Amber’s butt-bashing skills really set her apart and gave her the title. Some people’s feet weren’t just made for walkin’, it seems.

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Thursday 10/16/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 16, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

The light at the end of the week is growing wider and wider, so let’s keep on chuggin’.

We got things started this fine morning by checking out a study that broke down the most attractive dances that men can do to attract women. Apparently neck movement and leg speed directly correlate to how good of a dancer you appear to be, so we’re guessing headbanging is the way to go. But we’re not experts or anything. Our girls showed us some attractive dances, and we needed your help to decide which was the best in our Playboy Poll Dancing. Read on to learn the results…

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who brought up one of our favorite girl-on-girl scenes in “Mulholland Drive,” and also Cameron Diaz’s first nude scene ever! We always say better late than never, and she’s still got it going on.

Next, we brought our models back in for Boobing for Candy, a delightful Halloween game that you can play with the adults in your neighborhood, should you so choose. We recommend getting drunk first, though. Anyway, Destiny, Lauryn, Dani G, and Drew all dipped their breasts into some caramel and tried to get the most candy to stick. In the end, Dani G survived the shake test the best and was declared the champion. As a reward, her candy got eaten off, giving a whole new meaning to the words “caramel apple.”

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We took a short break and then welcomed in Caitlin O’Connor, model, Playboy Mansion tour guide,and all-around hot chick. She’ll be appearing in the film “Southpaw” starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams next year, so look for her ringside in that boxing film.

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To close out the show, we played a quick round of Hefardy, featuring categories like “Famous Southpaws” and “Months of the Year.” We ran out of time, but were able to use a caller to break the tie in our dance contest, naming Drew’s twerking the victor and the best way to attract guys. We hope you’ll all be twerking for the weekend in her honor.

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Wednesday 10/15/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 15, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Hola amigos! Bienvenidos al Playboy Morning Show! It’s the last day of Hispanic Heritage Month, and we’ve got four sexy Latinas here to help us celebrate!

We started things off by checking in with our hot Latina models and seeing if they had any idea that it was Hispanic Heritage Month. They did not. But neither did we before today. Maybe people get confused because Hispanic Heritage Month starts and ends in the middle of two separate months. Were all the other months taken? Get on that, Hispanic Heritage Month marketing team. But we don’t care! We’re gonna celebrate these hot ladies’ history anyway. Because no matter who you are, or where you’re from, we all can agree that hot chicks are good for humanity.

After that we talked via Skype with the ladies of Sheri’s Ranch, which is a brothel in Nevada. They’re having their annual Halloween party and it sounds like a pretty neat shindig to say the least. We also feel inclined to mention their various themed rooms and brand new Nuru massage parlour, which makes us think we want to come for the Halloween party, stay forever. And we mean that without an ounce of spookiness.

Next, we continued our celebration of Hispanic culture with a little game called Wheel of Hot! Our models came in and spun the wheel to determine what they then had to eat from our array of spicy peppers, sauces, and chips. These ladies really went to bat and showed us that they know how to turn up the heat. And in mascara, too. That’s the real impressive part.

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We took a short break and then came back to welcome in singer Mila J, whose new song “My Main” featuring Ty Dolla $ign can be found on Youtube. Mila talked to us about growing up in Los Angeles (her name stands for “Made in Los Angeles”), and about the shady tactics of haters on Instagram. Gotta love those haters.

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Finally, Mila stayed in to act as lifeline for the girls as we played Who Lati-no’s More? It’s a special Latin-themed Know It or Show It, and the girls did their best to fend off trivia questions to keep their clothes. Any clothes lost will be donated to needy people in other countries. Not really though.

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Tuesday 10/14/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 14, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

We had a spooky Topless Tuesday ready to go for you this morning, so let’s split up and check it out.

We got the ball rolling today with a lively discussion about balls, which only feels appropriate.

After that, we talked about an insensitive selfie taken by Danny Green of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs, where he used the hashtag #holocaust. We scrolled through Facebook and found out some of our models had been unknowingly doing the same thing. Check your backgrounds, ya’ll.

Next, we talked via Skype with Ryan McManus, inventor of The Defender, a new self-defense item for women that is part mace, part camera, and part GPS. In a moment of crisis, simplicity is king, and one button does all on this little gadget. Ryan doesn’t recommend taking photos of celebrities with it, though, and we’re inclined to agree.

In honor of the Defender, we played one of our favorite games here, Name That Alleged Perv! This perv round-up is Halloween-themed, featuring alleged pervs in costume-related crimes. Even if you have a disguise, sometimes that’s not enough.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Scream Queen Felissa Rose, whose superstar status was solidified at an early age in the film “Sleepaway Camp,” and she’s been doing it ever since, starring in over 60 horror movies to date. You should definitely check out her new film “No Solicitors,” because she knows scary movies.101414_04

Finally, we welcomed in our models to participate in a Scream Queen-off, to see if any of them have what it takes to be a horror movie starlet. The three rounds had them test their scream, their acting abilities, and their death throes to determine who’s the Scream-iest of these Queens. In the end, Felissa went with Carolyn, so if you’re looking for someone to star in your horror movie, she’s your ghoul.

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