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Thursday 10/30/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 30, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Happy Halloween! We had a spook-tastic Playboy Morning Show for the ages, so get ready to howl at the moons…

We took some calls at the top of the show, and they seemed to be a little strange today. Well, stranger than usual. Aside from hearing from some obvious pranksters, we also got a call straight from Hell itself… that’s right, ladies and gentlemen, the Devil is real and he watches the Playboy Morning Show. We’re… not all that surprised, really. But he says he’s lonely and wants one of our girls, so we tried to determine who was the most innocent in a game called…

Good to Be Bad! We heard some naughty stories from our ladies and determined that Dani was the most innocent. But rather than give up a fine young lady to the Prince of Darkness himself, we had her hide from him. Just because she’s got a hot body doesn’t mean she wants to spend eternity in hell.

After that, we welcomed in Oliver Robins, star of the Spielberg film “Poltergeist.” Oliver talked about his experience working on one of the quintessential horror movies of all time, and about his new project “29,000 Wishes. 1 Regret,” which is a film about a couple who plan to max out their credit cards and then kill themselves. And you thought the recession hit you hard.

We were rudely interrupted by the Devil once again on our phone lines, claiming he did not receive his girl, and saying he wanted a new one. That Devil sure is one greedy bastard. Our girls came back in to see who knew the least about the Devil, in a trivia game called What the Devil?. Veronica was the first to get completely naked, and was told by our hosts to hide once again, and avoid the Devil’s grasp.

Next, we welcomed in Tuesday Knight, star of “Nightmare on Elm Street 4,” the Freddy Kreuger film which she also sang the theme song for. She told us what it takes to make a scream, and how scary it actually is on set. It really depends on who the director is. BA-ZING!

This time the Devil wasn’t messing around, when he took physical form and joined us in the studio, right before he cut us out to break…

When we came back, our girls were in a state of possession, writhing together uncontrollably on the bed. At least, we think they were possessed. That’s actually how they normally act.

To get a professional opinion, we welcomed in Sean Whalen, from the film “The People Under the Stairs,” who recently played a murderous priest. He talked to us about his horror movie past, and also his Michael Bay-directed “Got Milk?” commercial that kick-started the entire campaign. He was nice enough to don a priest outfit, and with the help of Oliver and Tuesday (dressed as monks), he completed a Sexorcism on our girls, bringing them back to normal.

Finally, we wrapped it up with a dance party, because why not? HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Wednesday 10/29/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 29, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s the Playboy Morning Show: a land of magic, mystery, and boobs! (Magic and mystery may be boob-related)

We got things rolling this morning by checking out some new statements made by the pope in order to appear more forward-thinking. We applaud his open-mindedness, and gave out some of his lesser-known statements, like what God really think about people who spoil “Game of Thrones.” (Hint: it’s not good).

Next, we checked in with our neglected Hidden Ass Twitter account, and found some Hidden Ass that’s been piling up all around our studio. We’re like that show “Hoarders,” but instead of dead cats, we keep finding random butts.

After our search for tail, we went out to our woman-on-the-street for some Nipple News. In a recent discovery, an old notebook in Antarctica was discovered (true!) and we had some excerpts to read for your (not as true!). Carly reported the findings to us, as we got a look into the past and realized… Antarctica fucking sucks. Never go there.

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As it is Wednesday, we brought out the Wheel of Fantasy, with a nightmare-ish twist just in time for Halloween. We witnessed such horrors as a Vampire Kiss session, a Monster Mash Make-Out, and some twerking zombies. It’s enough to make you petrified… in your pants.

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We took a short break and then came back to welcome in our guest for the day, Grammy-winning singer/songwriter Jon Secada! Jon’s had a successful solo career, and worked with such stars as J-Lo, Shakira, and Ricky Martin as a producer. His book “A New Day” is available now, and you should definitely check it out.

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Since we had Jon with us, we wanted to see if he knew his songs as well as his fans, with a game we call Your Song Tit-les. Our models teamed up to try and act out Jon’s titles while he guessed, and I think he was more than a little distracted by their nudity, but he still did a great job. We forget that not everybody is around naked women all day. What a shame.

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Tuesday 10/28/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 28, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s all about the titties on a fine Tuesday here at the Playboy Morning Show. Let’s get to the show…

We began this morning with a little Master Debate between family members… specifically, the Howe Twins! We gave them a bunch of Halloween-themed topics of discussion and had them duke it out with their words. The only way they can fail is if they agree, and on some things they actually did. Not much of a debate, but still fun to watch.

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After that, we had two of our Girls of the ACC from the October issue of Playboy live in studio with us, to go toe-to-toe in a college game for the ages: Flip Cups! It’s just like regular flip cup, but this game ends with one final bra flip for all the marbles. Brittany Ann beat Ali B, who had to make up a cheer for UNC’s Tar Heels, as part of their pre-game wager. Don’t let the folks back at Syracuse hear that.

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Next, we talked via Skype with Bryant Terry, chef, keynote speaker, and author of the new cookbook “Afro Vegan.” For all you vegetarian and vegans out there who are craving some soul-fulness in your food, this is definitely the book for you. How often can you feel responsible AND stuff your face at the same time? The closest we get is eating in line to vote.

We took a short break and then came back with all of our girls shaking their booties for candy in a segment called Dancing for Treats. Apparently that’s what folks used to do before the invention of Trick-or-Treating and we decided to do a modern take on the lost custom. We kept it real old school for the prize, though, using candy corn to reward the best dancer, and as everyone knows all the candy corn in existence was made in 1909.

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Finally we held a little obstacle course in honor of the wife-carrying competition that takes place across the pond. Our models lined up with a surrogate wife (see: blow-up doll), and did their best to maneuver through the course in the best time. Carla Howe shocked the world by coming out on top, with the help of some shady tricycle-riding, and walked away with the ceremonial lube.

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Monday 10/27/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Beep boop beep. Monday mode… engage…

We welcomed Evan Paley back to the show this morning, and he’ll be with us the rest of the week! Some people just can’t stay away, but can you blame them?

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First things first, we got our beautiful models on the couch to talk about the big O. Not Oprah, but orgasms, as part of our Hot Girl Focus Group. We got what women want from the best source we know: real-live hot women! Seems the only conclusion we could draw from this is that every woman is different, so if you wanna know what she wants, try asking her, ya dingus!

After that, we played Find the G Spot, to really hammer home our orgasm talk. We hid Andrea’s G Spots all over the room and then had our models try and track them down one at a time. If only it were that easy in real life, am I right fellas?

Next, we talked via Skype with Thomas Cantley, aka Mr. Ballsy, who has gained a bit of attention recently for rolling a large testicle from Los Angeles to New York. We can see how people might be interested in that sort of thing. He’s doing it to raise awareness of testicular cancer, which he is a survivor of, and we wish him nothing but the best. Especially Andrea. You know how she feels about balls.

In Mr. Ballsy’s honor, we brought our models back in to play a quick round of Dick Pics. Our ladies were asked to look at dick-like objects in pictures and then give us their best caption. Some of them were obviously more rock-solid than others. But it’s a hard game, so don’t go nuts if they have a bit of trouble.

We took a short break and then came back to check out our ladies in some… well, boring, generic, store-bought Halloween costumes. This is a PSA on what NOT to do. All these costumes achieve is turning an otherwise hot body into a mass of cheap fabric. We sent them back out to do their best to sexify their outfits in a short amount of time.

As they were doing some tailoring, Andrea picked tonight’s Monday Night Football game and her magic titty picked the Dallas Cowboys to go over the Washington Redskins. Let’s just hope nobody gets a wounded knee.

Finally, our ladies came back in to reveal their sexy costumes. We’re not sure if you should use their techniques if wear your costume to work or around trick or treating, but you may get more candy that way.

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Thursday 10/23/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 23, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to the Playboy Morning Show here in the Mini Mansion, today’s guest host is Steve Greene: comedian, football aficionado and caffeine consumer. We like him already.

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Things got started today when we discussed the world of celebrity plastic surgery, as we’re having a hard time believing that Renee Zellweger looks like she does these days. We looked at some other notable examples, some more drastic (and made up) than others.

Speaking of celebrity’s skin, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone (it is Thursday, after all) to tell us about Cameron Diaz’s nude debut (with some pictures), and helped coin the phrase “jerkin’ to a merkin” while talking about Lena Headey and “Game of Thrones.” We’re definitely stealing that one.

After that, we celebrated the World Series getting underway with a new game called Stolen Bases, where we welcomed in our players Destiny, Dani, and Veronica to step up to the plate and try to make it all the way around the diamond by answering some baseball trivia questions. In order to steal bases, they had to compete in sexy challenges, including bat dancing and putting condiments on their buns. Their clothes were going, going, gone!

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We took a break and came back to Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em for this weekend’s games. If you’re a Broncos or Patriots fan, Andrea’s boobs have predicted a happy weekend for you, and not just because you got to see Andrea’s boobs.

We then had a little informative segment where our models came in and showed us how to correctly get out of your Ebola-ridden nurse’s garb, should you find yourself in that compromising position. We called it Ebola Striptease, and we didn’t learn a single thing. Fun to watch, though.

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Our guest today was Kip Pardue, star of the new horror film “Missionary,” about a Mormon missionary who has some dark secrets lurking beneath his white oxford shirt… Don’t come to the door when that guy comes knocking.

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We can’t hear “missionary” without thinking sex, so we brought our girls in to play a special Halloween-themed Position Impossible, where the answers featured some skeletons boning each other. The best thing about skeleton sex is that they’re gender-less, race-less, age-less, and all pretty much weigh the same. Now that’s inclusive.

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Wednesday 10/22/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

We had another great show today, with another new guest host next to Andrea! Today’s handsome gentleman is Evan Paley, who is a born and bred Angeleno, which is nice because he saved a ton on plane tickets.

The show got started when we met our new model Vy (pronounced “vee”) and had her walk us through one of her sexy stories in a segment we call Kiss-tory. While she gave us all the juicy details, Jenna and Melissa acted it out on the fly. Note to self: wash the seat in a photo booth next time you use one.

After that, we had our models stick around to play a new game called Guess the Cup Size, where we see a picture of a girl and try to guess what her cup size is. Seems pretty straight-forward, but some of these ladies were in some rather, um, compromising positions. Even with a UFO in the background, it’s hard not to stare.

We then welcomed in Miss September Stephanie Branton, who went from being a model on our show to the tip-top of the Playboy pyramid. We’re very proud of her, and we wanted to show some of what we remember as her best work: our “The Urge” trailer from back in the day. No wonder she made Playmate. As per tradition, she moved through her Playmate Pick Six, and finished as the very first Playmate to get all six correct! She must be more proud now than ever.

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We took a break and then came back to welcome the band Radical Something, who are blowing up with their take on So-Cal hip-hop/reggae/alt-rock. They are currently touring, so be sure to see when they’re nearest to you and pile you and your friends into your VW van and get totally freaky. People still talk like that right?

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In their honor, we played a very quick round of Wheel of Fantasy: Breast Coast Edition, and the band closed out the show by performing one of their songs right here in our studio. It’s a Mini Concert in the Mini Mansion!

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Tuesday 10/21/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to a fantastic Tuesday here on Planet Earth, especially in the Mini Mansion. Contrary to popular belief, we do not operate from a secret base on the moon.

The guest host carousel isn’t showing any signs of slowing down, as we welcomed the fabulous Rich Aronovitch into the studio today. Rich told us he got a haircut for the show, but we’re more than a little bit skeptical…

Today also saw us re-introduce into the public lexicon some words that have been lost to the grim march of time, in a segment we call Ye Olde Sex Terms. The very sexy Audrey Mae gave us the definitions of words from the past and even used them in a sentence. We’re definitely going to be using “beard-splitter” on the regular.

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We then welcomed in fashion designer Adam Saaks, who has gained worldwide acclaim for cutting dresses while women are wearing them! We think it’s a little unfair that he gets paid exorbitant amounts of money to do this, but when we tried we just got slapped with a subpoena. But we’ll let it slide, because he’s much better at it than we are. His creations go for hundreds of dollars a pop, and he’s willing to let us watch as he demonstrates his techniques on our model, Jacalyn.

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While he was doing that, we wanted to show everyone that it’s not just some guy cutting dresses willy-nilly, we let our models Drew and Lindsey try it out for themselves. We’d have to check in on the results later in the show…

After a short break, we came back to talk to Naomi Grossman on Skype, who is one of the breakout stars of the most popular show on TV right now: “American Horror Story: Freakshow.” She plays Pepper, and it takes her over three hours every day to get into makeup for the character (she even shaved her head!). Now that’s dedication. Be sure to check out the show Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, especially if you like a good spook.

We then let our girls show their scissoring abilities by strutting their stuff in the Cut-walk Fashion Show. For first timers, they did pretty well, but nothing compared to Adam’s skills, and he said he wasn’t even done! We thought it looked amazing, and Jacalyn’s body didn’t hurt, either.

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Finally, we closed the show with some Know It or Show It, and even though the girls had Adam as a lifeline, they felt confident enough in their abilities not to use him the entire time. You can guess how that worked out.

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