Tuesday 10/28/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 28, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s all about the titties on a fine Tuesday here at the Playboy Morning Show. Let’s get to the show…

We began this morning with a little Master Debate between family members… specifically, the Howe Twins! We gave them a bunch of Halloween-themed topics of discussion and had them duke it out with their words. The only way they can fail is if they agree, and on some things they actually did. Not much of a debate, but still fun to watch.

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After that, we had two of our Girls of the ACC from the October issue of Playboy live in studio with us, to go toe-to-toe in a college game for the ages: Flip Cups! It’s just like regular flip cup, but this game ends with one final bra flip for all the marbles. Brittany Ann beat Ali B, who had to make up a cheer for UNC’s Tar Heels, as part of their pre-game wager. Don’t let the folks back at Syracuse hear that.

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Next, we talked via Skype with Bryant Terry, chef, keynote speaker, and author of the new cookbook “Afro Vegan.” For all you vegetarian and vegans out there who are craving some soul-fulness in your food, this is definitely the book for you. How often can you feel responsible AND stuff your face at the same time? The closest we get is eating in line to vote.

We took a short break and then came back with all of our girls shaking their booties for candy in a segment called Dancing for Treats. Apparently that’s what folks used to do before the invention of Trick-or-Treating and we decided to do a modern take on the lost custom. We kept it real old school for the prize, though, using candy corn to reward the best dancer, and as everyone knows all the candy corn in existence was made in 1909.

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Finally we held a little obstacle course in honor of the wife-carrying competition that takes place across the pond. Our models lined up with a surrogate wife (see: blow-up doll), and did their best to maneuver through the course in the best time. Carla Howe shocked the world by coming out on top, with the help of some shady tricycle-riding, and walked away with the ceremonial lube.

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Monday 10/27/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Beep boop beep. Monday mode… engage…

We welcomed Evan Paley back to the show this morning, and he’ll be with us the rest of the week! Some people just can’t stay away, but can you blame them?

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First things first, we got our beautiful models on the couch to talk about the big O. Not Oprah, but orgasms, as part of our Hot Girl Focus Group. We got what women want from the best source we know: real-live hot women! Seems the only conclusion we could draw from this is that every woman is different, so if you wanna know what she wants, try asking her, ya dingus!

After that, we played Find the G Spot, to really hammer home our orgasm talk. We hid Andrea’s G Spots all over the room and then had our models try and track them down one at a time. If only it were that easy in real life, am I right fellas?

Next, we talked via Skype with Thomas Cantley, aka Mr. Ballsy, who has gained a bit of attention recently for rolling a large testicle from Los Angeles to New York. We can see how people might be interested in that sort of thing. He’s doing it to raise awareness of testicular cancer, which he is a survivor of, and we wish him nothing but the best. Especially Andrea. You know how she feels about balls.

In Mr. Ballsy’s honor, we brought our models back in to play a quick round of Dick Pics. Our ladies were asked to look at dick-like objects in pictures and then give us their best caption. Some of them were obviously more rock-solid than others. But it’s a hard game, so don’t go nuts if they have a bit of trouble.

We took a short break and then came back to check out our ladies in some… well, boring, generic, store-bought Halloween costumes. This is a PSA on what NOT to do. All these costumes achieve is turning an otherwise hot body into a mass of cheap fabric. We sent them back out to do their best to sexify their outfits in a short amount of time.

As they were doing some tailoring, Andrea picked tonight’s Monday Night Football game and her magic titty picked the Dallas Cowboys to go over the Washington Redskins. Let’s just hope nobody gets a wounded knee.

Finally, our ladies came back in to reveal their sexy costumes. We’re not sure if you should use their techniques if wear your costume to work or around trick or treating, but you may get more candy that way.

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Thursday 10/23/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 23, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to the Playboy Morning Show here in the Mini Mansion, today’s guest host is Steve Greene: comedian, football aficionado and caffeine consumer. We like him already.

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Things got started today when we discussed the world of celebrity plastic surgery, as we’re having a hard time believing that Renee Zellweger looks like she does these days. We looked at some other notable examples, some more drastic (and made up) than others.

Speaking of celebrity’s skin, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone (it is Thursday, after all) to tell us about Cameron Diaz’s nude debut (with some pictures), and helped coin the phrase “jerkin’ to a merkin” while talking about Lena Headey and “Game of Thrones.” We’re definitely stealing that one.

After that, we celebrated the World Series getting underway with a new game called Stolen Bases, where we welcomed in our players Destiny, Dani, and Veronica to step up to the plate and try to make it all the way around the diamond by answering some baseball trivia questions. In order to steal bases, they had to compete in sexy challenges, including bat dancing and putting condiments on their buns. Their clothes were going, going, gone!

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We took a break and came back to Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em for this weekend’s games. If you’re a Broncos or Patriots fan, Andrea’s boobs have predicted a happy weekend for you, and not just because you got to see Andrea’s boobs.

We then had a little informative segment where our models came in and showed us how to correctly get out of your Ebola-ridden nurse’s garb, should you find yourself in that compromising position. We called it Ebola Striptease, and we didn’t learn a single thing. Fun to watch, though.

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Our guest today was Kip Pardue, star of the new horror film “Missionary,” about a Mormon missionary who has some dark secrets lurking beneath his white oxford shirt… Don’t come to the door when that guy comes knocking.

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We can’t hear “missionary” without thinking sex, so we brought our girls in to play a special Halloween-themed Position Impossible, where the answers featured some skeletons boning each other. The best thing about skeleton sex is that they’re gender-less, race-less, age-less, and all pretty much weigh the same. Now that’s inclusive.

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Wednesday 10/22/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 22, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

We had another great show today, with another new guest host next to Andrea! Today’s handsome gentleman is Evan Paley, who is a born and bred Angeleno, which is nice because he saved a ton on plane tickets.

The show got started when we met our new model Vy (pronounced “vee”) and had her walk us through one of her sexy stories in a segment we call Kiss-tory. While she gave us all the juicy details, Jenna and Melissa acted it out on the fly. Note to self: wash the seat in a photo booth next time you use one.

After that, we had our models stick around to play a new game called Guess the Cup Size, where we see a picture of a girl and try to guess what her cup size is. Seems pretty straight-forward, but some of these ladies were in some rather, um, compromising positions. Even with a UFO in the background, it’s hard not to stare.

We then welcomed in Miss September Stephanie Branton, who went from being a model on our show to the tip-top of the Playboy pyramid. We’re very proud of her, and we wanted to show some of what we remember as her best work: our “The Urge” trailer from back in the day. No wonder she made Playmate. As per tradition, she moved through her Playmate Pick Six, and finished as the very first Playmate to get all six correct! She must be more proud now than ever.

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We took a break and then came back to welcome the band Radical Something, who are blowing up with their take on So-Cal hip-hop/reggae/alt-rock. They are currently touring, so be sure to see when they’re nearest to you and pile you and your friends into your VW van and get totally freaky. People still talk like that right?

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In their honor, we played a very quick round of Wheel of Fantasy: Breast Coast Edition, and the band closed out the show by performing one of their songs right here in our studio. It’s a Mini Concert in the Mini Mansion!

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Tuesday 10/21/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to a fantastic Tuesday here on Planet Earth, especially in the Mini Mansion. Contrary to popular belief, we do not operate from a secret base on the moon.

The guest host carousel isn’t showing any signs of slowing down, as we welcomed the fabulous Rich Aronovitch into the studio today. Rich told us he got a haircut for the show, but we’re more than a little bit skeptical…

Today also saw us re-introduce into the public lexicon some words that have been lost to the grim march of time, in a segment we call Ye Olde Sex Terms. The very sexy Audrey Mae gave us the definitions of words from the past and even used them in a sentence. We’re definitely going to be using “beard-splitter” on the regular.

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We then welcomed in fashion designer Adam Saaks, who has gained worldwide acclaim for cutting dresses while women are wearing them! We think it’s a little unfair that he gets paid exorbitant amounts of money to do this, but when we tried we just got slapped with a subpoena. But we’ll let it slide, because he’s much better at it than we are. His creations go for hundreds of dollars a pop, and he’s willing to let us watch as he demonstrates his techniques on our model, Jacalyn.

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While he was doing that, we wanted to show everyone that it’s not just some guy cutting dresses willy-nilly, we let our models Drew and Lindsey try it out for themselves. We’d have to check in on the results later in the show…

After a short break, we came back to talk to Naomi Grossman on Skype, who is one of the breakout stars of the most popular show on TV right now: “American Horror Story: Freakshow.” She plays Pepper, and it takes her over three hours every day to get into makeup for the character (she even shaved her head!). Now that’s dedication. Be sure to check out the show Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, especially if you like a good spook.

We then let our girls show their scissoring abilities by strutting their stuff in the Cut-walk Fashion Show. For first timers, they did pretty well, but nothing compared to Adam’s skills, and he said he wasn’t even done! We thought it looked amazing, and Jacalyn’s body didn’t hurt, either.

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Finally, we closed the show with some Know It or Show It, and even though the girls had Adam as a lifeline, they felt confident enough in their abilities not to use him the entire time. You can guess how that worked out.

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Monday 10/20/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 20, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Well, we blinked and the weekend went by. But fret not! The Playboy Morning Show is here to help you get over your hangover and on to the next one.

The show started with an introduction to our guest host for the day, the incomparable Andy Dick! We appreciate Andy waking up so early to be on our show, we know how much he likes to party. He’s basically a champion.

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In honor of Mr. Dick joining us, we played a little game called Stick the Dick, where our girls selected a penis cut-out from our ample selection and tried their best to pin it onto a little poster of a Dick-less Andy. Cody got closest with her cactus dick, and regaled us of her story that she partied with Andy and bought him a couple shots. No wonder she won.

After that, we Titty Picked us some football. Tonight’s match-up between the Steelers and the Texans is going to go Pittsburgh’s way according to the incredible picking power of Andrea’s left breast. Get your bookie on the horn, because Andrea’s nipples are always a hot tip.

Since Sweetest Day was this weekend (don’t worrry, we forgot too), we played a quick round of Candy TIT-les, where our girls acted out names of candies for Andrea and Andy to guess. Andrea blasted Andy in this game about candy, proving that she’s fine and dandy. Ugh. That last sentence was too sweet for even Sweetest Day. Sorry about that.

After a quick break we returned to welcome in 4-time and current Mr. Olympia, Phil Heath! All you need is one look and you can see why he’s the best in the business, but he also shared why his choice of swimsuit color matters (coordination is a big part of presentation, everybody).

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Since we had Phil here, we wanted to make him feel at home by having our models do some Feets of Strength. Amber, Cody, Destiny, and Heather all strutted their foot-stuff and competed in the presentation, dexterity, and speed rounds to see who’s got the best shoe-stuffers. Phil determined that Amber’s butt-bashing skills really set her apart and gave her the title. Some people’s feet weren’t just made for walkin’, it seems.

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Thursday 10/16/14

Posted in Uncategorized on October 16, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

The light at the end of the week is growing wider and wider, so let’s keep on chuggin’.

We got things started this fine morning by checking out a study that broke down the most attractive dances that men can do to attract women. Apparently neck movement and leg speed directly correlate to how good of a dancer you appear to be, so we’re guessing headbanging is the way to go. But we’re not experts or anything. Our girls showed us some attractive dances, and we needed your help to decide which was the best in our Playboy Poll Dancing. Read on to learn the results…

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who brought up one of our favorite girl-on-girl scenes in “Mulholland Drive,” and also Cameron Diaz’s first nude scene ever! We always say better late than never, and she’s still got it going on.

Next, we brought our models back in for Boobing for Candy, a delightful Halloween game that you can play with the adults in your neighborhood, should you so choose. We recommend getting drunk first, though. Anyway, Destiny, Lauryn, Dani G, and Drew all dipped their breasts into some caramel and tried to get the most candy to stick. In the end, Dani G survived the shake test the best and was declared the champion. As a reward, her candy got eaten off, giving a whole new meaning to the words “caramel apple.”

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We took a short break and then welcomed in Caitlin O’Connor, model, Playboy Mansion tour guide,and all-around hot chick. She’ll be appearing in the film “Southpaw” starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams next year, so look for her ringside in that boxing film.

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To close out the show, we played a quick round of Hefardy, featuring categories like “Famous Southpaws” and “Months of the Year.” We ran out of time, but were able to use a caller to break the tie in our dance contest, naming Drew’s twerking the victor and the best way to attract guys. We hope you’ll all be twerking for the weekend in her honor.

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