Monday 11/17/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 17, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to a fresh week here in the Mini Mansion. We’ve got just the thing to whet your appetite as we wait for Thanksgiving to get here: some breasts and thighs of our own.

We began the show with a whole new guest host, Dan Cummins. He’s got a name that’s built for our show, and we welcome him with open arms.

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Things got a little thankful early on, as we sent in Veronica for the first of our Giving Thanks segments. We don’t really remember what she was thankful for, but we know we appreciate her tassels and we’re grateful she wore them today.

After that, we brought out some items from the upcoming Marilyn Monroe auction that we got our hands on early. Things like a jar of Marilyn’s breath, a bug she squashed, and even a doorknob she used. If you have millions of dollars burning a hole in your gold-lined pocket, give us a call. We need the scratch.

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In honor of one of history’s great beauties, we played a Marilyn-themed Fandemonium, with our girls answering trivia about the famous blonde bombshell and even recreating her famous dress-blowing incident if they got it wrong. It’s our skirts up salute!

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Cody came in to continue our Giving Thanks, this time bringing up her toys (and anal beads!). Maybe don’t bring up this one at your family’s dinner table.

We took a short break and then came back to do a Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em re-cap. Andrea didn’t do so hot, going 2/5 and she shamed her boobs accordingly. It’s not something we enjoyed watching. Hopefully she does better tonight, as she picked the Steelers to top the Titans on Monday Night Football. We shudder to think what the discipline could be if her boob is wrong again…

We then welcomed in Jamie Kaler, host of the new American Heroes Channel show “America: Facts vs. Fiction.” Jamie told us about his work on the show (he informed us that he does indeed appear on camera), and he and Dan went off the euphemism deep end right before our eyes. It was something to behold.

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Our ladies came in to play a quick round of Rack vs. Fiction, where they would have to flash their right boobs if they thought a story was false, and their left ones if they thought it was true. We’ve never wanted half-truths more in our lives.

Finally, in our last Giving Thanks, we turned to Dan, who thanked his balls for all the joy they have given him over the years. He said goodbye this weekend to his old friends (he got a vasectomy), and we paid a touching tribute as our girls waved goodbye. Ball voyage!

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Thursday 11/13/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 13, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Thursday, and we had a kick-ass show for you today. Let’s get to it…

Things got started this morning when we landed our Morning Show outer space probe (not to be confused with our other probe) on the surface of a comet! We’re the first people to send hot chicks to a big ball of rock, ice, and dust that’s hurtling through the galaxy. And what better way to celebrate than to take some selfies and send them back to Earth? You know, for, like, study.

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who had a plethora of celebrity nudity to show us. From Kim Kardashian to Keira Knightly, it was a good week to get naked and have the initials K.K., so be sure to check out his website for more info (and pics, we suppose).

Next, we wanted to test our guest host Rich’s skills with wordplay, in a segment called One-Hundred-One. Our girls gave him body parts and other sexual words and he had to come up with a pun right off the top of his head. Try this out on a first date, if you never wanna have a second one.

Following the joke-fest, we brought our girls to the couch to play Show and Tell, where they saw pictures of things and then told how they would implement them in the bedroom. How would you use a sandwich in bed? Let us know! Address a sealed sandwich (in a bag) to 123 Playboy Rd, Burbank CA and let your voice be heard!

Then, it was time to get enrolled in some Ass Class. You can’t sit down in this class, because we had to learn all about the butt. We saw what kind of panties make good bottoms better, and what positions get the most attention for your backside. But it wouldn’t be class if you didn’t have to show your twerk, because if there’s one thing we can’t stand, it’s cheaters.

We took a short break and then came back to play some Horse or Porn, in honor of the fall season of horse racing getting underway. Our ladies jumped in the saddle and guessed whether a name was the title of a porn film, or the name of a racing horse. It’s a lot harder than you think.

Next, it was time for some Skin to Win, where our ladies locked in their trivia answers by flashing a body part. Jeopardy would be a lot more interesting if that’s how their buzzers worked.

Finally, we came to this week’s titty picks in Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em. Andrea likes the Bills tonight, and the Cards, Seahawks, and Packers this weekend. Tune in Monday to see how she did!

Wednesday 11/12/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Plant your feet firmly in the middle of this week and straddle past and future: one weekend looms on the horizon, while another, slowly fades from memory… Whoa. Sorry about that. That’s the last time we eat old Halloween candy from strangers.

Anyway, the first thing we did on the Playboy Morning Show today was literally watch paint dry. No joke. We really CAN make anything interesting. But we can’t take all the credit, what with Lisa’s glorious body acting as our painting surface. Remember, when painting a hot chick: primer and lacquer.

After that, we celebrated Comedy Central allowing the word “pussy” to air on its channel now. Good for them, we’ve been saying it for years (but who’s counting?). Since they no longer have to use euphemisms to describe lady bits, we wanted to see how many words we could come up with, in a game we’re callling Sin-onyms. Our girls battled back and forth in a game that would make a Thesaurus proud, removing clothes every time their linguistic trains ran out of track. We actually learned a few new words today!

Next, we welcomed in David Walton, star of NBC’s “About a Boy,” which is currently in its second season. David talked about working on a show that’s made it past 13 episodes (congrats to him!), and about how his article in the latest issue of Playboy prompted his mom to buy all the copies at a local store. Somewhere, a store’s shelves are out of Playboy, and a dove is crying. Probably.

After a break, we came back to welcome in Ian Halvie, star of the new Amazon Prime show “Transparent,” and also the first (to our knowledge) trans guest we’ve had on the show. Ian is FTM (female to male, or “a dude with a vag” as he says), and can grow a beard better than most. We won’t lie and say we’re not jealous. He talked about his show and how he thinks that trans people finally have an accurate representation of them in media.

While he was in, we played a quick round of Two Tits and a Lie, wherein our girls came out with their boobs out and had to tell two truths and then one lie. After a round of guessing, they each revealed their lies (and their lying abilities), making us wonder if we can trust any of them after this point…

Finally, it’s Wednesday, and that means we took the Wheel of Fantasy out, dusted it off, and gave it a few spins, all for the viewing pleasure of people at home. You’re welcome.

Tuesday 11/11/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 11, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Well, it’s Tuesday. We’re gonna go ahead and suggest that you buy as many googly-eyes as you can and put them on things all over your place of employment. It really livens up the place. Trust us.

We got things going this morning with a little report on the upcoming forecast in a segment we’re calling Weather or Not?. We had our very own “Windy Cindy” give us the low-down on Polar Vortex 2.0 that’s currently taking the Midwest and Northeast by storm. Literally. Then, just to rub it in, we showed California’s three-day forecast. It’s not fair, is it?

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After that, we welcomed in Miss November Gia Marie, the natural redhead and 60’s-style spread in the latest issue of our magazine. Gia talked with us about her budding relationship (bummer, right?) and about her recent trip to the Mansion for Halloween.

While Gia was in with us, we wanted to test her Playmate skills, so we ran her through our Playmate Pick Six, with the help of Amber and little pieces of paper with mustaches on the, in honor of Mo-vember. She played well, earning a perfect six-for-six, and placing her in the pantheon of pristine Playmates for all of time. Talk about hallowed halls.

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We took a short break and then honored those who have served our country (it is Veteran’s Day, after all) the only way we know how… with titties! We ran our girls through a Bootie Camp training session, and we’ve never wanted to be a drill sergeant more. We’d drop and give them 20.

Then we brought in Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson from the new film “The Mule,” which you should definitely check out on iTunes. These guys brought their love of all things horror (they’ve done things like “Insidious” and “Saw” that you may have heard of), and a twisted sense of humor to really bring this story to life. Just, maybe make sure you go to the bathroom before you watch it.

Finally, we closed out the show with the world’s longest-running naked game show, Know It or Show It! Our girls came in and gave it their all to answer questions about drugs, animals, and saws (oh my!), but they were no match for our potent questions and had to strip. Long live the game of kings.

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Monday 11/10/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 10, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s another Monday morning here at your one-stop-shop for all things Playboy: The Playboy Morning Show. It’s pretty aptly named, wouldn’t you say so?

We started the show today by welcoming back Rich Aronovitch as our guest host for the week. Anybody with a name that rhymes is all right in our book.

After giving Rich a warm homecoming, we moved on to our Fe-Mail, where we read mail from loyal viewers like you, which seems like the right thing to do after you all have spent so much on postage just to get those letters into our box. Cody helped us move through our letters, and we even had a special underwear update, featuring all of our lovely ladies. Sometimes it’s nice to know what’s going to be taken off, so that you can properly say goodbye.

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Next, we checked out how Andrea did last week in her Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em titty picks, and she stayed true to form, getting 2 out of 3. Tonight her boobs like the Eagles over the Panthers, and we say bet the farm. Momma needs a brand new pair o’ farms.

Following that, we celebrated Missouri’s recent step forward for Gay Marriage by playing a special “Show Me” version of Lesbian Chicken, in honor of the Show-Me State’s progressive ways. If more voters watched a Lesbian Chicken throw-down, we think the rest of the states would come around pretty quickly.

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It’s deep into Muff-vember here on the Playboy Morning Show, and today we had a little muff-themed art project for our ladies, who came in to cut, tape, and googly-eye their own muffs. Limited only by their imaginations (and time), the ladies showed us some rather exotic pubic hair styles, and I think we understand why this trend is coming back in full.

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We then welcomed in Kristen Doute and James Kennedy from the Bravo show “Vanderpump Rules,” which just began its third season. If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, you know it’s tough, but imagine doing it with a camera crew following you around. It also doesn’t help when everyone at the restaurant has slept with each other, but, I mean look at these people, wouldn’t you?

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Since Kristen and James are super experienced in the ways of food service, we had our girls try out for them, to see who had the best server skills. After taking an order, dancing for tips, and weaving through our patented obstacle course, we determined that Rachel was queen of them all, taking home the wad of cash. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

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Thursday 11/6/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 6, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to Thursday. The year is getting closer and closer to being over, and we’re still going strong. Take that, year!

Our lovely little show got going this morning when we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin. Skin gave us a double-dose of his patented brand of celebrity nudity news (and puns), as he was not with us last week. We’re not complaining, and I don’t think any of you are either.

After that, we brought our girls in for a Hot Girl Focus Group on Anal Sex. Now, the reason we’re doing this comes from none other than Harvard University, which is running a sex ed week, with one of the classes being titled “What What In the Butt.” We assume it’s 101. Anyway, we asked our girls about their anal sex experience, and they really ran the gamut from never doing it to enjoying it a lot. The important thing is to experiment and try new things, and always have a safety word (we like Andrea’s: “parallelogram”).

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We kept our ladies in the studio to “bare” witness as Andrea and Steve had a battle of penis-drawing skills, otherwise known as a Dick Off! Andrea drew first, making hers quiet large, while Steve kept his on the smaller side. The ladies all sided with Andrea, and it just goes to show how important it is to know  your audience.

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We took a short break and then got one of our super-fans, Tim from Maine on the phone. Tim loves to call in during Wheel of Fantasy asking for some spanking action, and today his dreams came true. Our wheel was tricked out with all “Spanking” options, and he finally watched his dreams come true. That’s the magic of the Morning Show.

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Next, we welcomed in Frank Sheftel, owner and operator of “The Candy Factory,” the candy-maker to the stars. They’ve even been sued by the Academy Awards, they’re that popular! Frank talked to us about growing up as a real life kid in a candy store, and then we brought in our ladies to help us make a Human Candy Bar. Veronica laid down on the table and Lisa, Sarah, and Tawny dribbled, dripped, and dipped, making our very own Playboy Model Candy Bar. This is one chocolate bunny you don’t want to bite the head off of.

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Wednesday 11/5/14

Posted in Uncategorized on November 5, 2014 by Playboy Morning Show

Down and Up and Down again, it’s gotta be Hump Day. Let’s check out the show…

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First things first, we talked about Chelsea Handler’s topless, Putin-parodying selfie that Instagram took down. Shame on them! We parodied some famous photos from history using our own naked models, making sure that nobody can take them down. Fight the power! Oh, by the way, follow us on instagram at @pb_morningshow.

After that, we debuted our “Cosmos”-style video, lovingly called The Assmos. Who knew that learning about constellations could be so sexy? We never connected those dots.

In honor of our video (which will hopefully be up on Youtube soon), we played a totally spaced out version of Chicktionary, featuring words having to do with outer space. It’s crazy that we played this game even though we didn’t planet…

We took a short break and then welcomed in chef Ben Ford, who we featured in the magazine back in September. If you weren’t hungry before this interview, you definitely were after. Seriously, I’m getting barbecue sauce like, all over my keyboard right now. He was even enough of a stand up guy to repeat one of his dad’s famous lines for us, which we really hoped he would. We love “Air Force One.”

While Ben was in the studio, we had our girls come in and ask him some cooking questions while trying to distract him with their nudity in a segment called Ben Ford’s Five. Cooking naked can be a safety hazard, but Ben’s got your back. And your front.

Finally, it’s Wednesday, so we dusted off the ol’ Wheel of Fantasy and spun it to see where it landed, and make some lucky callers’ dreams come true. Today’s Wheel was money-themed because of yesterday’s primary elections. Money makes America go ’round (based on how much candidates spent on campaigning), and it also spun our wheel. Cha-ching.110514_06

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