Tuesday 8/12/14

Welcome to Tuesday in the Mini Mansion, we have a big announcement and we won’t waste time getting to it…

Kevin announced today that he is leaving the show at the end of the week after a great 7+ year run. This may come as quite a shock, but he insists that we will soon get over the abrupt change. In lieu of writing his own farewell speech, he used the one used on “The View” a mere day ago. Don’t ever change, Kevvy. We’ll miss you.

On the phone was a little mystery guest we set up for Kevin in his last week within these hallowed walls. It didn’t take long to realize that it was none other than the hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy. He even was nice enough to send Kevin a little telephonic harmonica concert to honor him. We assume he was using his mouth.

Speaking of music, our next surprise guest for Kevin was another favorite from shows past, Kitty Davis, topless opera singer. Kitty came in her finest horny hat (that’s actual horns, fyi) and belted out an original tune about Kevin walking off into the sunset. 

But! It’s not all about Kevin, and we have a show to bring to you fine folks. So next, we chatted with Justin Sylvester via Skype. You may have seen Justin’s maternity pictures he took of his own belly on the internet; he took the photos because his wife didn’t want to. It worked out for him, because he got a year of free pizza out of it. That’s our barometer for success.

Next, we welcomed in Melissa Howe of the Howe Twins for some Howe To. Now, Carla is once again missing in action, so Melissa is playing the part of Carla. Since they’re twins it shouldn’t be too hard to suspend your disbelief. We watched her pack a box, and no, that’s not a euphemism for anything.

After a short break, we saw a very lovely video message for Kevin from Pillow Dan. Dan’s looking more spry than ever, even fighting off a horse who’s trying to attack his junk. It was a glorious sight to see.

We then welcomed in Robin Marshall, author of “Diary of a Sugar Mom: Don’t Tell the Kids.” The book is “fact-tion,” or “part fact, part fiction,” so you know it’s juicy. To round out the show, the girls joined Robin on the couch and tried their best to walk across the studio and pin a dick on a picture of Kevin. They had some trouble, but we really can’t blame them.

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