Wednesday 12/17/14

Welcome to another fun-filled hour of adventure here in the Mini Mansion… it’s like an amusement park filled with muses.

We started the show off by checking out our second-to-last door in our Ass-vent Calendar. Today’s special surprise came in the form of a Candy Cane Pole Dance, wherein Lisa and Bobbi Dean showed us how to turn any pole into a spun treat… by spinning on it!

After that, we talked via Skype with John and Rasheed, Hosts of Jam FM in Berlin, Germany. They recently got breast implants for a day in order to experience one glorious 24-hour period with their own pair of boobs. We heard about the procedure a few days ago from the doctor who invented it, but we never expected it to go this far. CURSE YOU, SCIENCE!

To be honest, the guys didn’t go quite as far with things as we would have, so to remedy that, we had our models come in and show us what they could do with their boobs in a segment called Yes We Cans. We learned that they can be used as weather devices, instruments, and even wifi hotspots. We really need to get our hands on a biology book, because this is all news to us. Damn public schools.

We took a short break and then came back to play some Truth or Bare, where we read a story and each of our models has to pretend that it was theirs. If there’s one thing that makes us trust women less, it’s watching them be really good at this game.

Next, it was time for a Christmas Song Tit-les, where our models came in and gave silent clues to Andrea and Steve in order to get them to guess the titles of some of your favorite holiday classics. Andrea and Steve even put a bet that the lose would have to motor boat the winner’s face. This may be the first time we’re glad Andrea lost the game.

Finally, our Wheel of Fantasy was a special “Best Of 2014” edition, with all of your favorites from past wheels ready to be picked again. Miss “executive spanking” or “prisoner cavity search”? Then this is the wheel for you!

Only one more show before 2015, so don’t miss out tomorrow!

Tuesday 12/16/14

Welcome to a whole ‘nuther Playboy Morning Show, right here in the Mini Mansion. Get ’em while they’re hot.

We began the show today with some light Menorah or Majora, a festive holiday tradition from our family to yours. We saw some close-up shots and had to guess whether they were for Hanukkah or Hot-nukah. Both look real good oiled up though.

After that, we kept the Hanukkah train rolling with some Horny History. For those of you who don’t know the story of Hanukkah, I’m sure you were pleased to learn something new. For those of you who DID know the story, I’m sure you were just as pleased to learn something in a new way. Nothing spells tradition like naked ladies.

Next, we saw if our own oil could last for 8 Crazy Boobs. We only had enough oil for one girl, but it made its way down the line to all four! It’s the sexiest Hanukkah miracle ever.

We took a short break and then lead our girls make some Macca-bead-kinis out of some already-made bikinis and blue and white beats. This one Israeli sexy.

Then it was time to open another Ass-vent Calendar date. We’re on our 10th day of Christmas here in the Mini Mansion, and it just wouldn’t feel like the season without a little Mistletoe/Camel Toe. Mariela showed off both as Jaclyn and Ruby kissed under it. Talk about low-hanging fruit.

Finally, we got to the Battle of the Babes to close out the show. On one side, Team Christmas, on the other, Team Hanukkah. After a tree-decorating showdown, a quick round of strip dreidel, and a some trampoline trivia, team Hanukkah stole the day. They’re set to celebrate just today, but the party could last 8 for all we know.

Monday 12/15/14

It’s the last week of shows here in the Mini Mansion before our Christmas/New Year/Hannukah break! So drink it in before we hibernate for two weeks. It’ll be a long fortnight without our hot bodies to warm you up.

We started the show today by welcoming back guest host Steve Greene, a man who hates the Matrix sequels enough to bring them up over a decade after they came out, just to drag them through the mud again. There’s no expiration date on rage.

After that, we brought in our girls to try and paint another girl’s sweet visage… using only their boobs. They may not be the next Picasso or Rembrandt, but they’ve definitely got nicer racks than either of those dudes.

We then talked via Skype with the fabulous Elizabeth Ostrander, who you may recognize from the cover and centerfold of December’s ice-inspired Playboy Magazine. This all-natural redhead spends most of her time on a boat, so we’re lucky that she was on shore leave long enough to get some internet. Otherwise we’d have to communicate via boat horns. Elizabeth got some help from Jenna and Amber for her Playmate Pick Six, which she got 6 out of 6 correct. She’s the first to ever do that, and if you think we’re wrong, we don’t wanna hear it.

After a short break, we wanted to see who made the Naughty or Nice list this year, and dole out cupcakes or spankings based on their answers. It’s a classic twist on the ol’ presents or coal. We also got a sneak preview of our next guest when he came out to show his mangina…

That’s right! Eric Andre, comedian and host of “The Eric Andre Show” is in the studio, laying down every which way and talking about what it’s like to mess with celebrities and wreck shit. It’s the craziest talk show we’ve ever seen, and we work on a talk show with a bunch of naked people. So that’s really saying something.

Finally, we brought our girls in to show of their Impressing Impressions, since Eric has a lot of (bad) celebrity impressions on his show. We saw our girls take on the vocal qualities of famous folk and we tried to guess who they were. Fuh-git about it.

Thursday 12/11/14

Well, folks, we got another fantastic Playboy Morning Show on the ready for you, check it out!

We started the show today by going through yet another Ass-vent Calendar reading, today revealing some Stocking Stuffers. Our models came in and dropped some gifts in their stockings while they were still in them, and ran across the room to ring the Mall Santa bell. They made quite a run in those seasonal stockings.

After that, we received a call from Dr. Norman Rowe, creator of the “Insta-Breast” procedure, otherwise known as the 24-hour boob job. If you want to feel like Cinderella with your own pair of pumpkin carriages for only a day, this is the non-invasive procedure for you. I’m saline awayyy…

In his honor, we played a new game on the Morning Show called BattleNips! It’s a lot like your favorite childhood game that we can’t legally mention, but it involves sinking BattleNips, pasted on a naked girl. Two seem like gimmies, but looks can be deceiving.

We took a quick break and then looked at a little 2014 Playmate Recap. Help Hef decide who should be next year’s Playmate of the Year. With 12 girls like these, we don’t envy his position. Oh wait. Yes we do. We do very much.

Then, we welcomed in rapper/singer/songwriter/dancer extraordinaire TeeFlii, whose debut album “Starr” comes out early next year. TeeFlii talked about who he’s worked with, who he still wants to work with, and some of his greatest inspirations. Did we mention he plays the drums, piano, and organ? Some people have all the talent.

Finally, we wanted our models to test some of their rapping skills while getting done from behind in a game called Doggy Freestyle. Sherra was our designated humper/beatmaster and Drew, Toryn, and Juliet gave their best phat rhymes. Watch out world, our brand-new model rappers Shy, 2ThaPoint, and Big Toy are hittin’ the streets.

Wednesday 12/10/14

It’s the Playboy Morning Show, where every Wednesday is a Men-nes-day… Right?

Well, either way, we started things off by checking Lucky Number 7 on our Ass-vent Calendar. You’ll feel super lucky if you like hot Santas taking it all off. I’m sure there’s at least one or two of you out there.

After that, we ran through some of Ryan’s Screamin’ Memes, featuring actual words screamed at Ryan from his various girlfriends over the years, over some nice pictures of nature. The contrast is striking, the words are biting, and your girlfriend is hopefully not striking or biting. Unless you’re into that… But more on that later.

Next, we welcomed in DJ Prostyle, who’s holding it down on two different radio stations (in New York and Florida) and also DJ’s bi-weekly on Good Morning America. Check out his new track “Debut” on Youtube, or even better at the next iHeartRadio festival. We kept him around to help us spin our Wheel of Fantasy, Clerb Edition. (For those of you who don’t know, “clerb” is a slang word for club. It helps if you’ve had copious amounts of alcohol.) We saw some girls get into a catfight, and get patted down by our vibrating metal detector. You’ve got front row seats and you don’t even have to pay 10 grand for bottle service. You the real VIP.

We took a break. Then we came back to welcome in dominatrix and fitness instructor Snow Mercy and her submissive servant Mary. Tim from Maine got his spanking fix for the day and then we brought in our ladies to get their own personal training session from this Mormon-turned-Mistress. We can’t tell if this would give us more or less motivation to work out… but we like it.

Tuesday 12/9/14

Mmmm. Tuesday. Goes down smooth.

The show began today by checking out an ugly Christmas sweater for the ages. Seriously, this thing has a pillow and door knocker sewn onto it. Jaclyn made it sexy by not wearing pants, but oh man… I mean it literally has bells and whistles on it. Good lord.

Jaclyn, decked in gay apparel, helped open our next Ass-vent Calendar box, today revealing a Present Wrapping Contest. The catch is, they don’t have wrapping paper, they just have to use whatever’s on their back. Good thing it’s clothes. That means they have to take them off. Remember, just as you can’t heal a wound that isn’t there, so too can you not take off a clothing item if you’re already naked. Namaste.

After that, we brought in Moshe Kasher, stand-up comedian, author, podcast host, and celebrated raver. He and Andrea became fast friends talking about their various glow-stick-infused dance habits, and about why Ryan’s quarter trick from earlier in the show wouldn’t work on him. We kept him in studio to help us play NO-K in the UK, where we illustrated some of the things the UK has banned from their pornography. Aliens, Birds and Bees, Dinosaurs, Spanking, Robotic Verbal Abuse: these were just some of the things we touched on, and they all touched us back. They’re really missing out across the pond.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Jessica Chobot, host of “Nerdist News” on Youtube, and professional video game player. We’re hard-pressed to find jobs that rival hanging out with hot naked chicks all day, but that’s definitely one of them. Just remember: “Triforce” is a symbol from the Legend of Zelda, not dating advice.

Finally, as is the custom on Tuesdays, we played the longest-running naked game show in the universe, Know It or Show It. We tested our models on video game, TV host, and candy knowledge and watched them strip if they didn’t have the answers. It’s like a police interrogation, but the questions are more fun.

Monday 12/8/14

It’s Monday and it’s beginning to look a lot like XXXmas. Ho ho ho.

We began things this morning by welcoming back guest host Ryan Stout! He was last with us in October, and couldn’t bear to stay away. We totally understand.

First things first, we needed to check our Ass-vent Calendar, counting down our 12 Days of Ass-mas. Today, we revealed a Gift Exchange behind the door, and the ladies took turns selecting (and stealing) gifts, before opening them and seeing if they’ve been naughty or nice. Some girls just get the short end of the stick this time of year… or, the fat end of the paddle.

After that, we brought in the very first male winner of “America’s Next Top Model,” Keith Carlos. Congrats to him on making history, being the first Top Model champ to own a penis (as far as we know). Keith also used to play in the NFL, so yes, life’s been good to him so far. We kept Keith around to judge our own America’s Next Top-less Model, featuring Cody, Rachel, Rayshell, and Veronica in their hand-made breast accessories.

Next, we brought in Tanay Jackson, daughter of Tito Jackson and niece to world-famous Michael. She performed her new song “Addicted” for us, along with two of her super talented backup dancers. After that, she stuck around to help us with the Jackson High-Five Contest, where we saw our ladies do the blindfolded slap, the low-five, and a choreographed move they made up themselves. The first trick to successfully connecting on a palm-to-palm slap is look at the other person’s elbows. Which only gets harder when it’s attached to a hot girl.