Thursday 1/15/15

It’s Thursday, which is close enough to the weekend for us to start partying and not stop until next Thursday. That’s what anthropologists call “the circle of life”.

We started this fabulous show by wishing our fondest of Happy Birthdays to the one, the only… Andrea Lowell. That’s right, it’s 29 (again) for our host with the most, and we can’t thank her enough for simply being born. The world is better for it, and we salute you, Andrea!

In honor of the birthday festivities, throughout the show we were surprising Andrea left and right, beginning with a very special birthday wub-wub from each of our gorgeous models. Usually Andrea is the giver in this scenario, but today she can have the day off and enjoy the sights and sounds herself, four times over.

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Next, we talked to Mr. Skin on the phone and checked out his Mr. Skin minute, featuring nudity and bootie-ty (we just made that word up) from the world of TV and film. We even got to see Dan’s “Brian Williams watching his daughter get her ass eaten out on “Girls”” face. It did not disappoint.

After that, it was another birthday surprise for Andrea, this time around getting some gifts from Dan and the models. Dan got her a vaguely spiritual medallion of some sort, and the girls gave her a basket packed to the brim with AA batteries. Those’ll keep those sex toys running til the apocalypse. Hell, they might even cause the apocalypse at this rate.

We then checked out a website that we first heard about on the TV show “Shark Tank,” that the owners turned down 30 MILLION DOLLARS to keep. They must be pretty confident in their idea, which is a dating site called CoffeeMeetsBagel.com that uses your Facebook to give you one new match a day. Or something like that. We’re still caught up in the fact that they turned down 30 MILLION DOLLARS. But Dan thought to himself, if he can come up with an idea that is 1/30 as good, he’ll make a million bucks. So we saw some potential niche dating sites in a segment we’re calling Online Masterdating. If you like hot dogs and butt sex, you’ll definitely want to sign up for HotDogMeetsBuns.com.

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We took a short break and then came back to Titty Pick the Conference Championship football games coming up on Sunday. We can’t wait for the second-to-last football Sunday of the year, and Andrea has picked the Seahawks and Patriots to make it to big game in February. Only time will tell if she is right…

As we had been teasing throughout the show, our shower is primed and ready to go for a Playboy Tit-torial: Shower Edition. Now, showering is something that most people don’t think about needing instruction on, but how can you be positive you’re doing it right? We don’t know. But we do know that we like to watch women in the shower, so that’s what we did. If you learned something in the process, good for you.

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For Andrea’s final two birthday surprises, we played a montage of all her beautiful moments from past shows and what beautiful moments they were. The other surprise ended up being Ronnie Orr, the owner of the Hambourghini food truck, who made Andrea a special veggie/mushroom burger that smelled great. Trust us. Unless you have one of those 3-D smelling TV’s. Then you already know.

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Finally, we played a brand-new game on the show called T&A Pyramodel, where girls had to get their teammates to guess the category using clues that would come from that category. Could a carrot be in “Things You Put Up Your Butt”? One model sure thought so, and she’s not technically wrong. The losing team had to give the winners a lap dance, and that means we all win.

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