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Thursday 3/26/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 26, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s the Playboy Morning Show, the only place where Madness isn’t solely crammed into March.

To start things today, we talked with Mr. Skin on the phone, who had some very interesting photos for us this week, not the least of which was that pregnant girl from “Girls.” Not the usual Skin fare, but we’ll take it. Also, don’t forget to keep casting your votes in his Whack-It Bracket, even if it’s just based on the cleverness of the name.

Next, we had yet another Spring Cleaning Tip, today featuring a way to wash windows that is not only clean, but also dirty. It really depends which side of the glass you’re on, which is about as philosophical as we get around here. All in all, just remember: put ‘em on the glass!

We then welcomed in Theresa Roemer, a woman who spends the better part of her time inside her closet. What makes her do such a thing? You need to see her closet to undertsand. After putting half a million dollars, a champagne bar, and plenty of sexy times into it, you wouldn’t want to leave either.

Theresa stuck around to help us with our own bad girl indulgence, March Badness! Today two very tall ladies duked it out in what is probably the closest to an actual basketball game we’ve had so far. Gabrielle and Marissa both told their stories well, but Gabrielle emerged victorious and earned the final spot in our Tittle-Eight. It’s heating up!

We took a short break, and then welcomed in star and title character of the Adult Swim show “Black Jesus,” Slink Johnson. Slink talked to us about his voiceover work in things like the latest GTA video game and on “The Boondocks,” and about what exactly makes “Black Jesus” so divinely human. Deep stuff from a cool dude, for sure.

To round out the show, we played a game in Slink’s honor called Come to Jesus! Our girls each donned wings and a halo and tried to win over the heart of Black Jesus himself by doing some things best associated with the messiah: turning water into wine and using it for a wet t-shirt contest, twerking on water, and indulging in some of the Last Supper’s lesser-known side dish: bananas. In the end, all were declared equal in the eyes of the Lord. Amen.

Wednesday 3/25/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 25, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Oh where to begin? How about with titties? Titties are always a good idea. You heard it here first.

We started the show not by ogling, but by Googling! In a game called Auto-Fill-Osophy, our girls were asked to complete the auto-fill search with the top, most searched item. We don’t know who’s searching for these things, but we pray our robot masters will be merciful to us when they eventually take over. Then again… maybe they already have. Dun dun dunnn!

Next, we read some funny Tweets from people all over the world. But not from boring old paper, rather we read them straight off of Lauryn’s hot body in a segment we’re calling Show Me Your Tweets. Take it from us: this is not something you want to yell in public.

Everyone knows someone who’s had their March Madness bracket busted wide open. This year, that someone is everyone (thanks a lot, ‘Nova…), so we decided to ease your strain by letting you watch two of our models, Selly and Zoey, compete in some Bra-cket Busting of their own. They hopped on the trampoline and tried their best to set the twins free in a faster time than their opponent. Go Gravity Go!

Speaking of March Madness, we had another round of the Playboy Morning Show’s tournament, March Badness! Chloe and Zoey squared off after a very dainty jump bra, recounting stories of mystery, intrigue, and… well, sex. In the end, Dan and Andrea sided with Zoey on this one and sent her to the Tittle-Eight to compete yet again. Her celebratory dunk was a little less dainty, let’s put it that way.

We took a quick break, then brought in Jonathan Bennett, star of the new film “Submerged,” whom you might recognize from his role in “Mean Girls” or that video of him falling off a flight of stairs. Ouch. But! He’s better than ever, and talked with us about the next steps in his career, and some of the first steps, like having sex with a cock sock on, while filming an episode of “Law & Order: SVU.” Talk about trial by fire.

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To close out the show, many women are big fans of Jonathan, so we decided it would only be appropriate to play some Fandemonium. Our models were asked questions about Jonathan and if they got them wrong, their respective fans were turned on, lifting their skirts high above their heads. It’s like Marilyn Monroe standing on a jet engine.

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Tuesday 3/24/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 24, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s a fine, dewy morn here in Morning Show grove. Just take a whiff of that fresh, naked air.

Our show got started with a bit of bust protest, due to Thailand’s hefty prison sentence if you get caught taking underboob selfies. Our girls didn’t like the sound of that one bit, and showed up with their picket signs to demonstrate all the practical uses a nice dark side of the boob has. Because no woman should have to go to prison for showin’ what they’re workin’ with. We’re pretty sure that’s against the Geneva Convention.

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Next, we Skyped with Cyber Girl of the Month for September of last year, Yesenia Bustillo. This El Salvadorian beauty talked with us about representing her people, and met our challenge of a scavenger hunt head-on. Could this be the next Cyber Girl of the Year? We’ll all just have to wait and find out.

Our March Badness competition continued next, where Evey and Brielle squared off, both trying to out-bad the other. Dan and Andrea agreed, after each story had been told, that Evey should move on to the Tittle-Eight. The competition is getting stiffer, and so are the spectators.

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We took a short break and then gave you another Spring Cleaning tip, this time focusing on how to really free yourself while you’re doing that much-maligned chore: sweeping. It’s always more fun to clean naked, and then you really get that range of motion going, too. Some people pay extra for that.

Then, we brought in sex educator and author Amy Jo Goddard, whose new book “Woman On Fire,” you should only check out if you want to get better at sex and have a higher quality of life. So, basically, if you have a pulse. Amy talked about her teaching styles and why she loves sexuality as much as she does: its versatility. You don’t have to tell us twice!

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Finally, our girls did some Art of Playboy: Fingering Painting Edition. As Amy Jo gave instructions, our girls showed how they like to be touched, and created some fancy modern art in the process. Not that pleasuring a woman isn’t art in enough in and of itself, but hey, at least this you can hang on your wall.

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Monday 3/23/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 23, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Don’t worry about the weekend being over, it’s the start of a brand new set of The Playboy Morning Show!

The show got started today with the first of our week-long Spring Cleaning tips! It’s getting to be that time, where you kick out the dust from your house and maybe even start to go outside, too. Today’s tip featured Amber and Mariela showing the perfect way to use your ample breasts to keep a fine polish to your household items. If you don’t have ample breasts, just use a friend’s!

After that, we rolled through some more March Badness, today watching Carlotta square off against Nicole. It was a close one, but Carlotta earned the right to come back and keep getting badder with her story about going to a gym in lingerie. That’s one way to work out what you workin’.

Next, we celebrated an oft-used but oft-er overlooked phrase, OK! Where does it come from? Somewhere in history, probably, we weren’t paying attention because of all the nudity. Our girls came in and showed what they thought was OK and what was Not OK, by flashing either their boobs or butt. This game is OK by us.

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We took a short break and then welcomed in Alex and Dre Gonzalez from the new show “Cutting Crew” on the El Rey Network. They talked about what they love most about cutting hair and some of the crazy stories about customers they’ve had over the years. Even crazy people want a fresh haircut, you know?

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To close out the show we held a Hair Down There Fashion Show, where our sexy models strutted their stuff, showing off their merkins that they cut out and stylized. We saw a lot of creativity and variety in these things, and we predict that the bush is back! Maybe. Give it a few years.

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Thursday 3/19/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 19, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Tits O’clock, that means it’s time for another Playboy Morning Show! Don’t be late!

We started things off today by talking on the phone with the king of nudity and puns said in a Chicago accent, Mr. Skin. Skin talked to us about some new nudity on shows like “Shameless” and introduced his Whack-It Bracket for 2015. Check out his website to pick your winner with your wiener. Hey, maybe we should write for Mr. Skin.

Next, we played some good ol’ fashioned Good Naked/Bad Naked, where we heard stories ranging from a naked guy standing in a doorway, to a naked guy jogging near a river. The only Bad Naked we landed on this week featured a naked romp in a doughnut shop that we made sexy by having our chicks scarf down some glazed pastries off of each other, before being escorted out by police.

After that, the battle of March Badness raged on with Drew taking on Jenny for a shot at advancing to the Tittle-Eight. We did the jump bra, heard their stories, and judged their naughtiness. It was a close one (coming down to random selection, even!), and Jenny emerged victorious. It just shows you that sometimes it’s good to be worse.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Steve Wilkos, of “The Steve Wilkos Show” and “Jerry Springer” fame. Steve is the king of ‘real talk’ and gave some to us, about his journey from Marine to cop to TV personality, and how he honed his abilities to tell real stories while also helping real people. Reality truly met fantasy when he stepped into the Mini Mansion today.

Speaking of fantasy, our girls came in to play some Innocent Until Proven Filthy, wherein they tried to deceive the human lie detector himself, Steve Wilkos. We heard their stories and they each denied them up and down, so it was up to Steve’s intuition to decide who he thought the guilty party was. His first guesses were right both times, but he switched them up at the last minute. Gotta trust those beat-walking instincts.

Wednesday 3/18/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 18, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Wedgie Wednesday at the Playboy Morning Show! Don’t forget to floss.

The show kicked itself off this morning while Dan and Andrea discussed “the Uber for hangovers,” by driving an IV to your house and hooking you up to it in order to get you started on your day. If this is for real, I think we’ve gone about as far as we can go as a society, and should maybe pack it all up and let the crustaceans have a crack at it. We’ve already won.

We moved on to the next battle in our fresh March Badness competition, wherein Ruby faced off against Rayshell. In the end, Ruby’s story of bondage play put Rayshell’s Halloween hookup in handcuffs, and she moved on to compete in the Tittle-Eight.

Then, we talked via Skype with Rap/Raggae artist and Andrea’s good friend her hometown of Long Beach, Mr. Xquisit. They chatted about the time she was in his music video and what we can expect next from the guy. No plans to add those extra E’s to his name quite yet.

Next up was a good old-fashioned Hot Girl Focus Group, this time focusing on “Dick Dealbreakers,” which, as everyone knows, are the things that would force a girl to turn down a dick. We found that it varies from girl to girl, so don’t get too hung up on it gentlemen.

We took a short break and then came back with the entire main cast of the new horror/comedy flick, “Zombeavers.” The movie features Cortney Palm, Rachel Melvin, Lexi Atkins, Peter Gilroy, Jake Weary, and Hutch Dano. That’s right, these six young actors squared off against a rabid onslaught of zombie beavers, with plenty of laughs, blood, and even nudity. What more could you ask for?

Since they were such a big, tight cast family, we decided it was only fitting that they face off against our model family in a game of Playboy Feud: Zombeavers vs. Beavers edition. After a back-and-forth battle, it came down to the final question, which the Zombeaver team snatched away, redeeming team captain Rachel Melvin for her family’s failings on the real Family Feud when she was younger. Redemption, thy name is Zombeaver.

Tuesday 3/17/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Erin go bragh! It’s a St. Panties Day festival here in the Mini Mansion. Irish you were naked!

The show began today with a St. Panties Day parade, led by our leprechaun for the day, Wee Matt from the famous Venice Beach Freak Show. Matt had all the energy of an Irish spring morn, and our ladies make a great train to follow him around. We’ll definitely be seeing more of them shortly… No pun intended.

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We played a quick game at this point, called Kiss Me I’m Irish, where Dan tried to prove to Andrea that he was Irish enough to earn a kiss from Andrea. What a prize! We’re not sure about the overall integrity of this game, but Dan pulled it out (not like that), and got a kiss from his sweet co-host. Typical luck of the Irish.

Next, we brought back Wee Matt to sit on our couch as our girls moved closer to his treasure stash in Honeypot of Gold. We had various Irish-themed challenges for them to complete, in order to test whose blood really runs green. In the end, Mariela made it to the end of the rainbow and made it rain gold. That sounded better in my head.

After a short break, we had the first two battles of our March Badness 2015! Last year’s champ Ali Rose fell in the first round to Lauryn Elaine, and Reyna defeated Mariela after it was revealed she had “exaggerated” her story a bit. If this is any indication, it’s gonna be an exciting year in badness!

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We then welcomed in Seamus Dever, star of the ABC show “Castle,” which airs Mondays at 10/9C. Seamus talked about winning the Biggest Nerd Award right before high school, and what it’s like being married to a fellow actor. Seamus, Castle, St. Patrick’s Day… It’s like Irish Bingo in here.

To round out the show, we brought Matt back one more time to help judge our Irish or Naked-ish game, where we saw zoomed in photos and tried to guess whether they were a naked body part… or some sort of Irish stereotype. After the dust settled, we celebrated not having to wear green until next year… By taking everything off.

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