Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Monday 2/9/15

Posted in Uncategorized on February 9, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Doop doop da doop, Morning Show.

We started this week anew, as we chatted with our intro girl Rachel about why she named her boobs “Snoop Dogg” and “Snoop Lion.” Not that she needed a reason, really.

From there, we ran through the first of a few of our Dear Cupid segments, where our models plead with the god of love to let their men not totally fuck up Valentine’s Day this year. The consensus is: lose the flowers and CVS stuffed animals, get a ring. Good luck.

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After that, we welcomed in comedian Josh Wolf, best known as a regular on “Chelsea Lately”‘s round table and also the host of “Shark After Dark” on the Discovery Channel. Josh is a friend of the show, and we were glad to have him around, especially to hear about his first date with his (now) wife, where he sneezed-sharted and she still agreed to see him again. At least your Valentine’s Day can’t go worse than that. Hopefully.

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While Josh was in studio with us, we played a game called Have You Seen Chelsie Lately? featuring our very own Chelsie Farah. Chelsie came in and gave Josh 3 clues as to a location that she’s had sex, and he had to guess where the deed went down. His intuition is pretty sharp, as he got Chelsie down to her panties in a hurry. It pays to pay attention, folks.

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We took a short break and then welcomed in DJ Philip George, a Brit whose new song “Wish You Were Mine” blew up all the way to #2 on the Billboard charts, forcing him to quit his day job at the Gap. But don’t mind the Gap, this overnight success story is really one that can inspire you to follow your dreams and quit your retail job, too. Just don’t forget to be hard-working and talented, too.

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Finally, we played Turn the Tables, a DJ-based mystery wheel game, where our girls spun the record and wherever it landed, they had to drop it like it was hot. And hot it was, as we saw them get some bottle service, drop the bass, and try to get into the club. All pivotal points in any club-goers night, although probably not in that order.

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Thursday 2/5/15

Posted in Uncategorized on February 5, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

We welcome in another Thirsty Thursday here in the Mini mansion with open arms… and open mouths.

We started off the show today by teaching you all some Man Skills. It’s a segment where our wonderful host-man Dan takes you through some skill that all men should know how to do. Today’s skill is how to give a proper massage. Not only is this a great way to grease the wheels with you and your partner, but it’s also a great, free Valentine’s Day gift! The best things in life are free, especially if you’re the one buying.

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After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin! It’s been a while since we’ve heard the dulcet tones of his Chicago accent, and we have to say, we kinda missed it. As per usual, Skin brought to our attention some of the best celebrity nudes we can keep an eye out for, including the show “Shameless,” and Aubrey Plaza’s nude debut.

Then, we welcomed in Rick Harrison, star of the wildly popular reality show “Pawn Stars.” Rick’s also got a new trivia game out, that’s available for your smartphone that he says is way more challenging than any other stupid phone trivia game out there. So, set your thumbs to stun, and get to learnin’, cuz it’s trivia time. And if you don’t like it, you can just delete it off your phone, and that’s a Rick Harrison guarantee.

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While Rick was in, we played our own trivia game, Know It or Show It. Involving a little bit more nudity than Rick’s iPhone game (depending on whether you’re on the toilet or not), our longest-running naked game show in the history of television is heavy on the nakedness, light on the trivia.

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After a short break, we came back to welcome in rapper Kid Ink, whose new album “Full Speed” is in stores now. We checked out his new video for his song “Body Language,” and then brought him in. He talked about his plans for his music career, and his next tattoos (apparently he has some blank space left– for now). Word to the wise: if you’re going to get your fingers tattooed, watch out for the cuticle. Just sayin’.

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To close out the show, we had our models (see: “aspiring rappers”) come in and give us some Doggystyle Freestyle. They spat their best rhymes as they got humped from behind, and Kid gave them their rapper handles, before showering them with our comical, over-sized dollar bills.

Wednesday 2/4/15

Posted in Uncategorized on February 4, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s a rap-tastical, rad-badical, humpty hump day here in the Mini Mansion, and that’s no bull.

We started the show today by talking about something we Southern Californians know little to nothing about: the weather! Snow storms are pounding the rest of the country, fast and deep, hard and long, and we thought the weather could be a little more hot if our models brought you the report. We’d also like to apologize to the city of Boston for that horrible attempt at a Bostonian accent by one of our models. We’re… not really sure what that was.

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After that, we welcomed in Reese Cates and Chase Outlaw, and if you couldn’t tell simply by their names, they’re real life cowboys in the world of Professional Bull Riding. Ranked #3 and #5 in the world (respectively), these guys gave us some insight into this lesser-known, but totally badass sport. And the groupies come out in droves, which only adds to their awesomeness. We even had a cybergirl call in to ask them some questions, just because she wanted to get to know them together. Well, when you ride for a living, you’re used to having something powerful between your legs.

While the guys were in, we played Hung Like a Bull, a hangman-type game that is exactly hangman, except the little guy in question has a big package. They didn’t get the word “saddle,” but that’s because they don’t use saddles. Damn. So badass!

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We took a short break and then came back to check out another one of our Topless Movie Trailer Reviews, today checking out the film “Whiplash.” Apparently, the most our “critics” got out of it was a lot of “I know, Dad” and “Leave me alone, Dad.” We haven’t seen this movie either, so we’re inclined to take their word for it.

Next, we welcomed in legendary rapper Afroman, who you know best for his song “Because I Got High,” which he recently remixed with a positive spin for those who support the legalization of marijuana. He’s got a new album coming out, which you should definitely pick up as soon as you can, and maybe light one up in his honor. If that’s legal in your state…. yeah.

Finally, we played a fun little game called Because They Got High, where we tried to guess what a celebrity had done while they were “under the influence.” The only gimme was Mel Gibson, who had done everything on our list.

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Tuesday 2/3/15

Posted in Uncategorized on February 3, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

BLOG GOIN’ UP ON A TUESDAY

The show began today with a new model in a new segment called Like a Model. No, it’s not our take on the popular Madonna song, although this new model is technically a Morning Show virgin… We interviewed Amy, and gave out her instagram handle: mimi_nemeth, so that she can get the likes she desperately needs. Let’s all do our part, shall we?

Next up, a rousing and arousing round of Who Would You Do, where Dan and Andrea debated each other in a who-would-you-rather style game involving mythical winter creatures. We’ve now thought things about snowmen we won’t soon forget.

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After that, we utilized our models’ skills as texting aficionados to come up with some new, non-verbal ways to say things from your phone, in a game called Emoji-Me! These ladies know their phones backward and forward, and we trust them when they say that we need some bong and vibrator emojis. They could be useful in some circumstances, sure.

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We took a short break and then came back to welcome in Matthew Gray Gubler, best known for his work on “Criminal Minds,” and promoting his new feature film, “Suburban Gothic.” It’s a horror/comedy that looks great, and Matthew’s maybe the nicest guy ever, so you should definitely check out his movie, either in theaters or on-demand.

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Finally, our ladies came in one last time to prove that they’re not only beautiful… they’re cunning, too. In the game of Truth or Bare, they laid it all on the line, hoping that they could fool our hosts into believing that they were the perpetrators of a specific story, and if they were found out, off the clothing came! Laid bare definitely has a new meaning.

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Monday 2/2/15

Posted in Uncategorized on February 2, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Hard to believe it’s already February! Especially here in LA, where it’s 70 degrees out.

We began things for the show today by having our “bunnies” come out of their hibernation holes and check to see if the light was good enough to take selfies with. It was! That means no six additional weeks of winter, and spring is right around the corner. So long, Old Man Winter, hello Little Miss Spring.

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After that, we recapped our Boobie Bowl special, and Andrea’s Titty Pick was right on the money for the Big Game. Dan was still (rightfully) heartbroken about the way the game ended, but boy was it exciting, especially if you didn’t really care who won.

Then, we talked via Skype with Corine Lewis, the former cheerleader who broke the internet when a football player tweeted an old picture of her before the BCS Championship Game. She’s currently trying to get a few TV shows produced, and is still as foxy as ever, and we wish her the best of luck. Any girl who can shut down Twitter is a friend of ours.

In Corine’s honor, we played a game called Goin’ Viral. We slowly de-pixelated a picture of internet celebrities and the first girl to buzz in and answer correctly got the points! We’d like to say here, on the internet, that this is the first time in history that anyone has received a tangible award for their knowledge of internet memes. Even if that tangible reward was just some ink on a dry erase board.

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We took a quick break and then came back with some Tough Love. We read three letters asking us for advice, and a model gave her two cents. Then, Andrea gave her opinion. Then, Dan laid down the law with some Tough Love; it’s not easy to hear, harder to say, but necessary for your growth as a person. Get it together!

In preparation for the Oscars in a few weeks, we’ve been reviewing the trailers to some of the movies that were nominated, in our Topless Movie Trailer Reviews. Today’s film was the Stephen Hawking biopic, “The Theory of Everything.” Would it help you review this movie if you knew who Stephen Hawking is? Absolutely. Are we surprised one of our girls didn’t? Not really. Either way, the trailer got mixed reviews, so get it from RedBox or something.

Finally, we know you’re hungover from the big game yesterday. Whether your team triumphed, your team blew it, or you’re just glad football is over for seven months, everyone is reeling from a truly Super Sunday. In the spirit of that ringing in your ears, we played the game Walk of Shame. Our girls, still in their football best, stripped, got blindfolded, and then tried to find their outfits, which were strewn about the room. They might not be able to see, but you sure can!

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Thursday 1/29/15

Posted in Uncategorized on January 29, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Well, folks. The day has finally come… It’s the Playboy Morning Show Boobie Bowl! No more tailgating, no more scalping for the cheap seats, no getting up to pee until halftime… it’s here.

We kicked off (see what I did there?) the show today by introducing our two teams: the Patri-tits and the Sea-Cups. Ali and Mariela were painted in the Patri-tits red and blue, while Lauryn and Drew received the Sea-cups trademark green and blue paint. Painted on clothing makes holding calls a lot more fun.

No sporting event in America can begin without the singing of our National Anthem. To take us into the gladiatorial match soon  to begin, we welcomed in Kitty Davis, resident topless opera singer and good friend of the show. Kitty belted out as images of our country’s great majesty dissolved across the screen, the least of which was not the hot girls born and bred here. It’s one of the things America is most proud of, after all.

After the coin toss, the game of Two-Tit Touch began! The only way to stop the play is by placing both hands on the breasts of the girl with the ball, which is like two-hand touch, but actually harder when you think about it.

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From there, we cut to a commercial from the sponsor of our Boobie Bowl Halftime Show, Tom Brady’s Balls. Apparently Tom Brady is an old man who owns a ball emporium/warehouse for all your ball needs. And they’ll fill it up, free o’ charge! Honestly, we’re not sure who that man is, but we’re 85% sure he’s not the real Tom Brady.

We came back to play a game called Sign Language with our models Carolyn and Bobbie Dean painting Reyna’s body on both sides to practice their game-day sign-making. A good sign could lead to TV airtime, which could lead to a modeling deal, which could lead to millions of dollars, while a bad sign is only good for internet ridicule (which, arguably could lead to a modeling contract, which could lead to millions of dollars… it’s a strange time we live in).

The second quarter of our Two-Tit Touch was brought to us by our sideline reporters David and Erika, and it was even more exciting than the first, with both teams trading blows back and forth. No, not that kind of blows. Sorry to mislead you like that.

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Halftime rolled in and our performer this year is none other than the bare-footed, crystal-lovin’, violin virtuoso Jimmy Be Free. With a legal name like that, you know he’s gotta be good, and he didn’t disappoint. It wasn’t your typical, Top-40, lowest-common-denominator pop music fare, and we loved it even more because of that. We got tranced up in this piece, son.

The third quarter started and it was kept fairly quiet, especially with the pace of the game so far. Except for the fact that three deaths resulted when an errant ball was thrown into the stands. You lived as you died: covered in nacho cheese.

Then, we welcomed in our guest, pro footballer for the San Francisco 49ers, Marcus Cromartie. Marcus is a 24-year-old cornerback whose cousins Dominque and Romeo have already made a big splash in the league, as they try to become the Mannings of the DB position. A tall order, but they seem to have the talent (and sheer numbers) to back it up.

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We allowed Marcus to test his ability, but rather than getting a pick six, we wanted to see if he could Pick Sex. Our models came in and tried to conceal a paper football behind their backs, while Marcus guessed where it was. If he was right, that model had to do the action written on the ball. Let’s just say there was some unnecessary roughness, and we loved it.

Finally, as the final seconds of the fourth quarter ticked away, the Patri-tits tried a last-ditch panty field goal to win the game and…. they missed! Not only did they miss, but they kicked it backwards somehow… Either way, the Sea-cups win!!

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To round out our show, Andrea Titty-Picked the Big Game and came up with… the Patriots. Come back Monday to see if her prediction holds water… or if it’s all just a little hot air. (We had to get one more deflate-gate joke in there. Sorry)

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Wednesday 1/28/15

Posted in Uncategorized on January 28, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Woo-hoo! It’s Morning Show time! Get out of bed and sit right back down on the couch.

We started the show today with some color commentary about the upcoming Playboy Boobie Bowl, from our hot announcers, Marylee and Zoey. It didn’t really provide much insight into the game, but we did get to see them use their mouths, which is what all good commentators do. Although most of them don’t make out. Probably.

After that, we introduced our bartender for the show, the lovely Ms. Heather Storm. Heather showed us how to make some fanciful and herb-irific cocktails that are sure to please even the pickiest drinkers at your football party. Her recipes are way better than the one we were going to use: Kool-Aid Mix, Vodka, Bathtub.

Next, we had our girls make up some slogans you can shout while you watch from your couch (if you’re not afraid of looking like a doofus), in a segment we’re calling Cheer Me Up! Studies show that the players, coaches, and/or referees actually can’t hear you through your TV, but what do those dumb science-folk know about anything anyway? GO (team)!

Following the cheer-sesh, we switched gears from the hard hits of football, to the quick hits of tennis for a segment called Tennis or Pennis. The Australian Open is currently going on, and some of these ladies sound a bit more open than you should be in a public sporting event. We tried to decipher which moans and grunts were taken from a tennis match or a porn scene, in one of our more challenging guessing games. Kinda makes you want to watch tennis with your eyes closed….

We took a short break and then welcomed in Simon Helberg, whom you might recognize from the wildly popular sitcom, “The Big Bang Theory,” who is promoting his new film “We’ll Never Have Paris.” The story is based on the true-to-life events surrounding Simon and his wife’s marriage (and near lack-thereof). Knowing that this is a true story only makes it funnier, and knowing that Simon filmed his “sad handjob” scene in front of strangers and family only makes it cringy-er. Go check it out on iTunes and On-Demand!

Finally, we brought in our ladies to play Love Stories, where they are given a situation and have to take off clothing if they have experienced it. Moving from San Diego to Oakland is a bummer and you should be punished for it. Chloe ended up “winning” by keeping the most clothing on, and as a reward got to strip it all off for the other girls’ enjoyment. Talk about a booby prize.

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