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Monday 4/13/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

We’re back! Fresh off a week of hiatus and ready to bring some nudity back into your life. Didja miss us?

The show got going this morning with the debut of our Morning Show side-scrolling video game. We read about these things all the time in the magazine, and we thought it was high time we made our own dreams come true in a segment called Bits and Ass. Drew and Amber gave the game its inaugural play, and put up some pretty nice scores for their first times. It’s the best use of quarters that doesn’t involve drinking.

After that, we checked out a clip from our first “Full Blouse” parody, which we will debut tomorrow. As a special treat, we surprised Dan with our guest Dave Coulier, aka Uncle Joey from the original “Full House.” Dave’s touring around as a stand-up comedian all over the country, so be sure to check his website for show details. He also talked about Netflix’s revival “Fuller House” that is set to come out soon! We’ll never cut it out, Dave.. we’ll never cut it out.

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Dave stuck around as we played a game of Chicktionary, where our girls teamed up and painted on each other in order to get Dave to guess Full House-related terms. Some were easy to tell what they were, and some looked more like cave drawings. I guess that’s what happens when your canvas moves.


We took a short break and then came back to welcome in Nico Tortorella, star of the new TVLand series “Younger,” which premiered at the end of last month. Nico talked tattoos (his character and he are both heavily inked), and what attracts him to older women. For someone who’s only 26 years old, he’s sure got it all figured out.

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To close out the show, we played some Know It or Show It, a game where our girls put their clothes on the line, but not to dry. As the models tried their best to answer some trivia about TV, Music, and Pop Culture, we more and more from under the cloth. For the world’s longest-running naked game show, it stays fresh.


Thursday 4/2/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 2, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Here comes The Playboy Morning Show to save the day! Or, at least the morning.

This show right here got kicked off with a little Easter Egg hunt, with our sexy bunnies hopping around the room looking for their pastel-colored prizes. Once they all had their eggs in one basket, the girls opened them to reveal an Easter-themed challenge for them to participate in. It’s enough to make even the most ED-riddled man yell “HE IS RISEN!”

Next, we brought in Shelley Fisher, aka “The Hebrew Hillbilly,” to talk about her unique brand of comedy and singing. She also dished about how one becomes a the rootin’-est, tootin’-est Jew south of the Mason/Dixon. We’ve never heard a more soulful “Shalom”. Shelley then performed her song ‘The Hebrew Hillbilly,’ while our topless girls listened on the couch. What do you do at a concert if your top’s already off?

We took a quick break and then came back with comedian and actor Jason Stuart. Jason talked about how his web series just won an award, and what his favorite acting gig has been. We kept Jason in as our referee for our March Badness Final Showdown Matchup EXTREME, between Jenny and Evey. After the jump bra, we launched right into the game, with each lady going for broke in this last test of their general badassery. It was too close to call, so we put them through a quick gauntlet to determine a winner, with EVEY coming out on top, emerging victorious, in other words: winning the whole kit and caboodle. She’ll have her name forever engraved on the March Badness trophy and live on as a Morning Show legend. Until next year, don’t forget: it’s good to be bad.

Tuesday 3/31/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 1, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

The show so sexy, your TV turns itself on! It’s the Playboy Morning Show.

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We began the show by checking out some cool new products from the Liberator company, whose mission is to make different positions safer for more couples. They’ve built some comfy, ingenious, and varied cushions to help make your sexy time more adventurous. Better cushion, better pushin’, am I right?

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We then checked out some Stupid Human News, where we look at dumb people who did dumb things and then laugh at them. Ironically, it’s a pretty simple concept. But it works!

Next, we ran through the final two rounds of our March Badness Tittle-8, featuring matchups between Carlotta and Evey and Ruby and Gabrielle. Ruby and Evey moved on to the Final Foursome, which begins tomorrow! Our tournament of champions is very close to finishing, which actually makes sense, given the sexiness of their stories.

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We then welcomed in Justin Willman, magician/comedian extraordinaire. His new Comedy Central special “Sleight of Mouth” premieres on Monday, April 6th, and he’s currently on his “FakeBelieve” tour across America. Wait a second… how can he be in two places at once? Unless… he really IS magic!

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To close out the show, we played our own version of Sleight of Mouth, where our girls put the magical quality of their mouths to the test by passing cards, blowing wands, and having a kiss off. This is a situation where you definitely want to put your money where your mouth is.

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Wednesday 4/1/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 1, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Bad news, everyone. No blog today.

April Fools! There’s totally a blog today.

We started the show off today by showing you all some nice ways to conserve water that still allow you to take long showers. Everything from eating less beef, to not wearing leather or buying jeans can help conserve our most precious H20, all while still giving you the chance to enjoy someone taking a long, hot shower. That “someone” could be you, or a friend!

After that, we welcomed in Playmate Angel Boris, who is our Miss July 1996 and current host of the Playboy Radio show “Funny Bunny,” which you guys should definitely give a listen. It’s an ear-gasm waiting to happen. Angel talked about her place in the Playboy family and her acting work on shows like “Beverly Hills: 90210.” We find her name to be very fitting.

We kept Angel around to help us judge the first battle in our March Badness Final Foursome, between Evey and Ruby. Andrea and Angel agreed that Ruby should come back, while Dan stuck to his guns and picked Evey. Some tense words were shared, and Andrea stormed off…

We came back from break with Angel graciously agreeing to step in for Andrea, before we mercifully revealed that it was all an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank. Angel is the best for being such a good sport, and judging by some of the phone calls we got, some of you forgot to check the calendar today, too.

Our show resumed as normal for our second March Badness Final Foursome showdown, between Jenny and Zoey (who was on the phone). Jenny won in another blowout, thanks once again to her shamelessness in front of her family. That means tomorrow’s match will be for all the marbles, and the fabulous March Badness trophy. Come on back to see Jenny take on Evey for the crown of Baddest Girl on the Block 2015.

We then brought in Ash Avildsen and Bizzy Bone from the new film “What Now.” Ash wrote, directed, and starred in the movie, and Bizzy Bone (who you might recognize from the Grammy-winning group Bone Thugz ‘n Harmony) guest-starred. The movie follows the obstacles that everyone faces while dating in the technological age, and it looks hilarious, so check it out starting on April 3rd!

Lastly, our girls came back in to test how well they’d fare in the dating pool through a series of tests. Bizzy and Ash then either “Swiped Left” or “Swiped Right,” and if you’re not following these words anymore, congratulations! You’re old.

Monday 3/30/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 30, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

The Playboy Morning Show helps makes mornings less boring, by adding more boing. It’ll really put a spring in your step.

We began things with some light discussion about which date is the right time to have sex for the first time. According to a study, it’s 3.53 dates (so, like, half-way through dinner?). In our Hot Girl Focus Group, we asked our models to tell us when they think is the right time to go all the way, and they pretty much agreed that even though you make the decision whether you want to sleep with someone right away, you should wait at least one date. Three seems a little excessive, don’t you think?

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Next, we checked out our Mams on the Street, where we sent out Erika Jordan on the red carpet for the 50th Anniversary of the “Sound of Music.” Erika rubbed shoulders with some of the celebrity guests in attendance and got some insight into the impact of this landmark film. Those hills are still alive.

Next, we brought in 2012 Playmate of the Year Jaclyn Swedberg, promoting the new horror film she’s in, called “Muck”. It’s got blood, gore, nudity, humor… basically everything you can’t do in church, which makes it alright in our book. Jaclyn talked about how she got her start at Playboy during a casting call, which the Morning Show had a (small) hand in. Basically, what we’re saying is she owes us BIG TIME.

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Jaclyn stuck around to help judge the first game of our Tittle-8 round in March Badness 2015. We pitted Jenny against Reyna, who both had some pretty raunchy car sex stories, but Jenny’s took the cake and she moves on to our Final Foursome.

After a short break, we moved on to round two of our March Badness double-header, where Zoey took on Lauryn. These ladies both had stories involving priests (one of the catholic variety, the other of the Judas Priest variety), and it was decided that Zoey’s tale of wedding shenanigans took the cake, so to speak. That means we have half of our Final Foursome chosen, and will fill out the rest of it tomorrow, so tune in!


We then welcomed in RJ Mitte, most famous for playing Walt. Jr. on the wildly successful and critically-acclaimed series “Breaking Bad”. He’s also doing a few DJ gigs with his “Breaking Beats” show, and continues to model and audition here in LA. He talked about his musical preferences and club tendencies, and about whether or not he’s planning on acting in a show that doesn’t become a huge hit, you know, just to even things out.

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Finally, we played Breaking the Beat, where our models danced around chairs and then had to do challenges if they were the last model standing. We got the Mini Mansion turnt up on a Monday, and– I’m sorry, is this really how people talk now? I don’t even know anymore.

Thursday 3/26/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 26, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s the Playboy Morning Show, the only place where Madness isn’t solely crammed into March.

To start things today, we talked with Mr. Skin on the phone, who had some very interesting photos for us this week, not the least of which was that pregnant girl from “Girls.” Not the usual Skin fare, but we’ll take it. Also, don’t forget to keep casting your votes in his Whack-It Bracket, even if it’s just based on the cleverness of the name.

Next, we had yet another Spring Cleaning Tip, today featuring a way to wash windows that is not only clean, but also dirty. It really depends which side of the glass you’re on, which is about as philosophical as we get around here. All in all, just remember: put ’em on the glass!

We then welcomed in Theresa Roemer, a woman who spends the better part of her time inside her closet. What makes her do such a thing? You need to see her closet to undertsand. After putting half a million dollars, a champagne bar, and plenty of sexy times into it, you wouldn’t want to leave either.

Theresa stuck around to help us with our own bad girl indulgence, March Badness! Today two very tall ladies duked it out in what is probably the closest to an actual basketball game we’ve had so far. Gabrielle and Marissa both told their stories well, but Gabrielle emerged victorious and earned the final spot in our Tittle-Eight. It’s heating up!

We took a short break, and then welcomed in star and title character of the Adult Swim show “Black Jesus,” Slink Johnson. Slink talked to us about his voiceover work in things like the latest GTA video game and on “The Boondocks,” and about what exactly makes “Black Jesus” so divinely human. Deep stuff from a cool dude, for sure.

To round out the show, we played a game in Slink’s honor called Come to Jesus! Our girls each donned wings and a halo and tried to win over the heart of Black Jesus himself by doing some things best associated with the messiah: turning water into wine and using it for a wet t-shirt contest, twerking on water, and indulging in some of the Last Supper’s lesser-known side dish: bananas. In the end, all were declared equal in the eyes of the Lord. Amen.

Wednesday 3/25/15

Posted in Uncategorized on March 25, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Oh where to begin? How about with titties? Titties are always a good idea. You heard it here first.

We started the show not by ogling, but by Googling! In a game called Auto-Fill-Osophy, our girls were asked to complete the auto-fill search with the top, most searched item. We don’t know who’s searching for these things, but we pray our robot masters will be merciful to us when they eventually take over. Then again… maybe they already have. Dun dun dunnn!

Next, we read some funny Tweets from people all over the world. But not from boring old paper, rather we read them straight off of Lauryn’s hot body in a segment we’re calling Show Me Your Tweets. Take it from us: this is not something you want to yell in public.

Everyone knows someone who’s had their March Madness bracket busted wide open. This year, that someone is everyone (thanks a lot, ‘Nova…), so we decided to ease your strain by letting you watch two of our models, Selly and Zoey, compete in some Bra-cket Busting of their own. They hopped on the trampoline and tried their best to set the twins free in a faster time than their opponent. Go Gravity Go!

Speaking of March Madness, we had another round of the Playboy Morning Show’s tournament, March Badness! Chloe and Zoey squared off after a very dainty jump bra, recounting stories of mystery, intrigue, and… well, sex. In the end, Dan and Andrea sided with Zoey on this one and sent her to the Tittle-Eight to compete yet again. Her celebratory dunk was a little less dainty, let’s put it that way.

We took a quick break, then brought in Jonathan Bennett, star of the new film “Submerged,” whom you might recognize from his role in “Mean Girls” or that video of him falling off a flight of stairs. Ouch. But! He’s better than ever, and talked with us about the next steps in his career, and some of the first steps, like having sex with a cock sock on, while filming an episode of “Law & Order: SVU.” Talk about trial by fire.

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To close out the show, many women are big fans of Jonathan, so we decided it would only be appropriate to play some Fandemonium. Our models were asked questions about Jonathan and if they got them wrong, their respective fans were turned on, lifting their skirts high above their heads. It’s like Marilyn Monroe standing on a jet engine.

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