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Thursday 5/7/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 7, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Hey there, ho there, Morning Show faithful! As a reward for reading our blog, you can have the rest of the day off. Just show your boss this webpage and then waltz out the door.

We started this here show off today by checking out a Morning Show neighborhood known as Libido Lane. This sleepy little stretch of suburbia exists in a realm where sex toys are currency, and everything is working and looking fine. Even the criminals!

After that, we talked “Masters of Sex” and “Game of Thrones” with Mr. Skin, including some of the celebrities that he’s looking forward to seeing nude in theaters later this year. We have a lot to be hopeful for, but until then, check out Skin’s website for some celebs you may not know have already gone clothes-less. It may save you some waiting time.

Next, we brought in Cyber Girl of the Year 2015 Khloe Terae and Cyber Girl of the Month for March 2014 (and Cyber Girl of the Year runner-up) Stefanie Knight! These ladies sure deserve all the accolades bestowed upon them, and sure do appreciate all of your votes. We’re not sure what they’re putting in the water up there in Canada, but it sure makes us want to move up north, eh?

We took a quick break and then ran through some Dick Pics, where we caption photos with near-dick objects in them. This was all in honor of “Wanksy,” the street artist who literally spray paints the street… with dicks. But it’s for a good cause: he tags open potholes so that the city HAS to fill them in. It’s actually a pretty genius idea.

To close out the show, we honored our moms with a sexy MILF Day fashion show, featuring sex-ifications of different mom tropes, like discipline, mom jeans, and breakfast in bed. Don’t forget to call your mom this weekend, or you’ll never hear the end of it.

Wednesday 5/6/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 6, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Ah, Seis de Mayo, one of the man official hangover days in America. The lights! The sounds! The spins! The gang’s all here.

We started our show off today with a Bloody Mary and two Advil. But right after that, we were good to go. We read some letters from viewers like you, and tried our best to answer your questions about our show and just life in general. We’re helpful like that.

Next, we welcomed in German Playmate Sarah Nowak, who’s in town visiting the Playboy Mansion. Hef might not let her leave, it’s happened to hot blondes in the past, but that remains to be seen. Sarah gave us some insight into whether American or German men are more adventurous, and surprised to learn that she’s single! Time to start gettin’ those hopes up, gentlemen.

While Sarah hung out, we brought our models in to play a game lovingly named Wack or Nowak. We heard a topic, like Beach Sex, and then everyone had to weigh in on whether they thought it was ideal (Nowak) or lame (wack). There were some unanimous answers, but others remained divided. I guess it just boils down to personal preference… and alcohol availability.

We took a short break and then watched our girls make and then don some May Flower-themed outfits, focusing on their own personal… ahem … “flower”. In the end, Leia was awarded the best use of theme, costuming, and gardening to take a victory walk down our rose petal runway.

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To close out the show, we used the recent Viagra article in May’s Playboy as inspiration for our Hole-istic Medicine segment, where our lab coat-wearing models explained some boner medicine of their own devising, and demonstrated their uses and side-effects. Take two and call us in the morning.

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Tuesday 5/5/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

iFeliz Cinco de Mayo a todos! Celebrate with the Playboy Morning Show, Mexican Style!

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We didn’t waste any time getting into our first segment, the Drink-o de Mayo body shot tutorial, featuring our body shot expert, Andrea. Syri and Ali helped demonstrate her instructions, and managed to get buzzed and look good doin’ it. Not an easy feat.

From there, we jumped straight into bed with Samantha and Amber, our resident Cooche Libre sex position wrestlers, who tried their best to translate our Spanish-named sex positions into the physical realm, using their bodies of course. Some were more obvious than others, thanks to what our Spanish teachers would call a “cognate”.

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This next segment, brought to you by Adam & Eve (the sex toy company, not the Biblical couple), featured a product known as the Naughty Rabbit. This baby’s got more torque than an F-150 and more speed options than a blender. But in all seriousness, we are worried our girlfriends might leave us once they fall in love with these things. In order to truly test the raw power that the Naughty Rabbit possesses, we had us a good ol’ fashioned dildo race. Surprisingly, this race was super exciting, and all of the toys stayed vertical as they buzzed down the table. If you lost money on the Kentucky Derby, today was your chance at redemption.

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We took a break and then came back to play one of our favorite games, the Wheel de Caliente (that’s “Wheel of Hot,” for the no-habla-espanol crowd). Our girls spun the wheel and then ate some hot Mexican-themed peppers, chips, and candy. The real MVP of this round was Dan, for showing our girls how it’s done. “It” being eating a habanero in one bite. Que ridiculo.

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To close out the show, it wouldn’t be Cinco de Mayo without a little pinata party, although we don’t fill ours up with boring, chalky candy, we fill it with lingerie. You gotta know how to motivate your models.

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Monday 5/4/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 4, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s a brand-new week, still in mint condition! Sell it on eBay before it gets water damaged.

We started things off by talking about the big fight that happened over the weekend, where Floyd Mayweather defeated Manny Pacquiao live on the most expensive pay-per-view ever. If you couldn’t scrape together the scratch to watch it yourself, our girls re-enacted all the action (or lack thereof) for you, including both fighters counting their exorbitant stacks of cash afterwards. There really are no losers when it comes to big-time prize fighting, it seems.

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After that, we had a brand-new model with us this morning, an all-natural Polish beauty named Natalia Starr. She talked about what it’s been like living out her Playboy dreams each and every day, and how she gets her high-adrenaline kicks. She also walked us through a story from her past in a segment we call Kiss-tory. Natalia regaled us with the tale of how she and her boyfriend got it on while hiking through the hills of Los Angeles, and even got some side-eye from a passer-by. That’s when you know you’re doing it right.

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Dan and Andrea then played some Stupid Human News: Real or Fake edition, where they read a headline and had to guess whether it was a true story, or one we just made up. Whenever Florida is involved, it’s apparently very hard to tell where the line between reality and fiction exists. Sorry, Floridians.

In honor of the big boxing match this past weekend, we would be remiss if we didn’t teach our ladies, and all of you out there at home, how to throw a punch. This essential Man Skill is something that you’d never hope to use, but should always be prepared to, in case of masked assailant, or in this case, a blow up doll with Dan’s face taped to it. Either way.

We took a short break and then came back to welcome in surprise guest, the past host of the Morning Show, the incomparable Kevin Klein! His radio show is on Live 105 up in the Bay Area, but you can listen online. It’s a little weird seeing him on the couch, but it’s the same ol’ Kevin, so it’s nice to know that some things change, but others stay the same, like our props for this next game…

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The ComeFuckMe Derby! Yes, it’s race season, so break out your wacky hats and your gambling addiction and come on down to the Morning Show track where our girls sped around the track to try and win the bouquet, vicotry sash, and save their horse from the glue factory for a few precious moments. Will there be a Nipple Crown this year? We’ve still got two more races until we find out…

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Thursday 4/30/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 30, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Thirsty Thursday, that weekly celebration of everyone’s favorite bodily need!

We started the show talking about the big fight this weekend that’s got everybody talking: Gabrielle versus Jenny! We had our girls weigh their cans as they went forehead-to-forehead in what has become a sort of boxing tradition… although ours is much sexier, obviously.

As we say goodbye to the month of April, we thought we’d give it a sendoff it could appreciate: one last group shower. How will we welcome those May flowers, you ask? You’ll have to just wait and see…

After that, we chatted with our good buddy Mr. Skin, who had some Grade-A, free-range, organic celebrity nudity for us today, from the last place on TV you’d expect it: the History Channel! Usually they’re more into talking about UFO’s and ghosts than boobs, but we’re not complaining.

It was then time for Hefardy!, that great trivia game where you answer with a question and question with an answer… right? We’re actually not sure. What we do know is that this round’s categories were all Playboy-centric, and Mariela quickly ran away with it, even nailing the final Hefardy answer. Even Alex Trebek would have to be proud of that one.

We took a break, and then brought it back with our latest episode of our hit parody series “Full Blouse.” Our little show is becoming more and more relevant, as it looks like the original “Full House” show is coming to Netflix soon, so be sure to hop on Youtube and give it some sweet, sweet views.

Then, we welcomed in Marshal Dutton and Cody Hanson of the band Hinder, whose new album “When the Smoke Clears” is set to drop on May 12th. They talked about their plans for the future and also what it feels like to work on a video with a Playboy Playmate. The life of a rocker is a tough one, we suppose.

To close out the show, we played Groupie or Roadie, where our girls tried to prove that they had what it takes to be the latest Hinder groupie to “get backstage,” as it were, while leaving the other girls to wallow in the wings and carry the band’s gear. Their musical gear, not the other kind, the groupie gets to do that.

Wednesday 4/29/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 29, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Hello one and everyone! Enjoy this Morning Show blog post at your leisure.

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We started on a somber note today, as we discussed the tragic story of the man whose medical condition means that he can only get 100 more boners in his lifetime. It’s a ticking cock, and according to our nurse Ali, the prognosis isn’t good. We can only hope that he uses each and every erection to its fullest potential. Well, we hope that for every man already. But especially this guy.

After that, we checked in with some stories of nudity from around the world in our Good Naked/Bad Naked segment. We heard about a woman driving through a Kohls nude in her car, and a naked man who got tasered twice on the same stretch of highway, before watching a reenactment of a story about a violinist choking out an old grandma. Of course, our version was much sexier than the true story, because that’s sort of our thing.

We then chatted it up with our new model Elizabeth Jean, in our Like a Model segment. Elizabeth showed off some of her pictures from past shoots and was even kind enough to talk to some callers on the phone. But even she has some unfulfilled fantasies…

Then, we ran through a quick game of Truth or Bare, where our sexy models tried to fool Dan and Andrea into thinking that a sexy story came from their life, even if it didn’t. For the naive people out there, this is called “lying” and it happens every day.

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We took a short break and then got experimental up in here in our Sex Mythbusters game. Andrea and Dan dressed up in their lab coats and safety goggles and tested exactly how much spanking is tied to arousal. Using various spanking tools, Andrea wound up and left her mark on these ladies. And I mean really left her mark. What did we learn? Spanking is tied to arousal, especially if you’re the one watching it take place.

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Finally, we closed out with the longest-running nude game show in TV and radio history, Know It or Show It. In this magazine edition of the famous trivia game, we had questions about the mafia, Madonna, and motorcycles. It’s not easy remembering all the people Madonna’s kissed over the years, but Andrea was kind enough to remind us. She’s good at keepin’ the books.

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Tuesday 4/28/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 28, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to our weekly celebration of Topless Tuesday, or if you speak Spanish, martes de mammories.

We began the show today with a small consortium of like-minded hot chicks called our Hot Girl Focus Group. Today’s topic up for debate was the unwritten rules of the bedroom, or “sex etiquette.” Women like their sex a certain way, and lord knows men can’t infer all that information themselves, so all the information discussed today was definitely vital. The male brain is a simple thing, and it needs all the help it can get.

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After that, Dan and Andrea checked out the covers from some of our latest issues of Playboy Magazine, including the brand new May 2015 edition on shelves now, in order to Spot the Bunny hidden somewhere in the cover art. It’s a glorious tradition and remains pretty difficult, especially for Dan. Again, male brain.

Next, we revealed a great secret about the restroom here in the Mini Mansion: the men’s room has a sweet vending machine in it that gives out awesome prizes. We checked out a few of them, like a pre-wet t-shirt, candy necklaces, and the Gratuitous Nudity button. You can guess how all that ended…

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After our break, we learned about the evolution of the sport of surfing, in our Horny History segment. For a 1000-year old sport, it’s still pretty fresh and cool, despite historical white people’s best attempts to make it boring. Damn historical white people.

We then brought in the #1 Pro Surfer in the world, Makua Rothman, straight from Hawaii. Makua talked about his family’s part of surfing’s history, what it’s like to be a young kid catching gigantic waves, and the time he had to have surgery after he fell face-first into a coral reef shelf. Talk about a wipeout. As if he wasn’t cool enough already, he’s also working on a new album, so check that out when it drops.

To close out the show, we played Get Lei’d, our Hawaii-based trivia game that rewards our models’ correct answers by throwing those flower necklaces at them and letting them hop to the next island. Surf’s up, dudes.

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