Thursday 6/4/15

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

‘Ello ‘ello, what ‘ave we ‘ere? Why sir, it’s the Playboy Morning Show, it is!

This show got started with a little experiment in the occult, when Dan decided to try out our own version of the “Charlie, Charlie” game that’s sweeping across the internet. After the pencils fell, our girls appeared out of nowhere! Just when you thought internet trends couldn’t get any dumber, we’re surprised again! Guess that makes us the dumb ones.

After that demon was put to rest, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who had a particularly meaty Mr. Skin Minute for us this week, surprisingly without any help from “Game of Thrones” nudity. Guess someone has to pick up the slack once this season eventually ends.

We then welcomed in our first guest of the morning, Tony Denison from TNT’s “Major Crimes,” which returns for season 4 on Monday June 8th, so park yourself down and feast upon its returning glory. Tony talked with us about his days organizing backgammon tournaments and other odd jobs he had before his acting really took off. Everybody’s gotta make a living, right? Well, unless you’re a Kardashian.

060415_06 060415_02

While we had Lt. Flynn in studio, we decided to test his interrogation skills on our models in a game called Innocent Until Proven Filthy. He turned on the Good Cop/Bad Cop routine pretty well (especially for just one guy) and guess the correct perp. But remember kids: crime doesn’t pay… unless you get a book deal.


We took a short break and then welcomed in Josh Kelly, star of the new Lifetime show “Unreal,” which premiered at the beginning of this month. The show follows the behind-the-scenes action on a reality show, and is sure to please you if you love reality shows or hate them. As if you needed any coaxing after seeing Josh’s giant billboard where he’s naked.

060415_04 060415_03

To close out the show, we played a Josh-centric game of Wheel of Fantasy, drawing on his life and career to have our girls act out scenarios. The best way to be proud of your accomplishments in life is to see them sexualized right before your eyes.


Wednesday 6/3/15

Posted in Uncategorized on June 3, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to another Playboy Morning Show, brought to you with the magic of lights, cameras, and oh so much action.

Our show started off today with a discussion on the dangers of a sedentary office, which is why I’m writing this blog strapped to the back of a biplane from now on. If that option isn’t available to you, we gave you some helpful office chair yoga instructions that you can use at your desk at the office or the one you immediately go sit at when you get home. Gotta keep that circulation goin’, you know?

060315_02 060315_03

Next, we brought in our first guest Lea Black, star of “Real Housewives of Miami,” and author of a new book entitled “Red Carpet & White Lies.” If you like the Real Housewives, or if you’re a real housewife yourself, then you’ll dig this novel, so be sure to give it a read. While she was in the room with us, we played a round of Know It or Show It based on Lea, featuring categories like reality TV and the city of Miami. Unfortunately there were no questions about that famous sound machine we’ve heard so much about.


060315_07 060315_01

After a short break, we came back to chat on the phone with Larry King, legendary CNN interviewer who’s still going strong on his own show “PolitcKING with Larry King” on OraTV every Tuesday and Thursday. We even got some help getting questions to Larry from your tweets and some from our models, dressed in the style of the greatest question master of all time. Suspenders look good on those ladies.

To close out the show, we checked out some Hidden Talents from our girls that included playing (public domain) music on the guitar, riding horses and giving yourself an orgasm at the same time, and telling lame jokes. There’s no reason those talents should remain hidden.

060315_05 060315_06

Tuesday 6/2/15

Posted in Uncategorized on June 2, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

June Gloom got you down? The Playboy Morning Show is here to get you up!

Our show today began with a discussion about jerks. No, not the kind that happen when no one else is at your house, the kind that picked on you in school and are probably your boss right now. We asked our girls in our Hot Girl Focus Group a very tough question: does being a jerk really get you further… with them? Turns out, it’s a mix, but being assertive is a big turn on. Every nice guy out there could use a little more jerk, apparently.

After that, we welcomed in Andy Ruther and Joe Praino from the “Dirty Sports” podcast, which is available on Soundcloud and iTunes. If you like sports and you hate censorship, look no further than these two funny dudes, and finally leave your abusive relationship with ESPN. While the guys were in, our girls came out onto the gridiron and played some Sport or Porn, a game where they heard dirty-sounding sports-related terms and tried to guess what sport they came from and even give a physical demonstration. We never knew sports sounded so sexual, but now we can never un-hear it. Now excuse us as we post up down low and give somebody a facial (that’s basketball talk, apparently).


We took a short break and then came back with Playmate of the Year 2015 Dani Mathers! She’s fresh off her induction into a very elite group, and is poised to represent Playboy all around the world this year. It helps that she gets a new car to get around in, too. While Dani was in studio, we played a Choose-Your-Own-Ass-venture based on her soap opera past, where our models followed their dreams through a tale of woe and intrigue on “The Bold, The Hard, and the Long.” Tell you what, if they allowed nudity on daytime TV, I bet a lot more people would sit through those novellas.

060215_01 060215_03 060215_05

Monday 6/1/15

Posted in Uncategorized on June 1, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

We’re back! Did you miss us? We sure missed all of you, and we had a great show this morning to make up for our lost time.

The show got started today with a Robot Sex Update, we’re not sure what the version is anymore (it might be 3.2). Either way, we had our sexy models come in and see if they were more or less compatible with Dan than our Playboy Robot. So far, you still can’t beat the real thing, but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t want to spend at least one night with Robot-a… just to give it a try.

After that, we spoke via Skype with Aimee, Bobbie, and Nick from the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant. Normally, having a small dick isn’t something you’d want to broadcast to a room full of people, but at this Pageant, that makes you the star of the show! We welcome their celebration of small men, and invite you to send in an audition tape if you feel so inclined to go after the $500 prize.


In honor of the Pageant, we played a game of Cock-a-Mole, where our models did their best to whack a small cock as it poked its head out of different holes. If you can think of a more entendre-laden sentence, we’d love to hear it. As the girls beat down on the cocks, they earned tickets to use in our frustratingly unfair prize booth where you only have to whack 10,000 cocks to win a new grill! It still beats games at the carnival.

060115_02 060115_03 060115_04

After a quick break, we welcomed in Suzanne Whang, comedian and recent fist-er of cancer, for which we congratulate her. The conversation only got more visual from there, where we touched on gerbil-ing and other sexual proclivities that even we were unaware of. And that’s pretty much our whole job, so we were very impressed.

060115_05 060115_06

To close out the show (and continue our sexual dialogue), we played a game inspired by Suzanne called Wrong or Whang. We introduced a topic and then asked if our models and Suzanne thought it was Whang (good) or Wrong (wrong). It’s interesting where everyone’s lines lie, but don’t forget the rule of five tries: you don’t know if you really don’t like something until after the fifth time you give it a go.

060115_08 060115_09 060115_10

Thursday 5/21/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Happy Thursday to you and yours. If you’re not feeling particularly happy, well then, maybe watch some PlayboyTV.

We started the show off today by checking out some words that sound dirty, but actually aren’t. We got our models to guess what the definitions were, before revealing their actual innocuous meanings. Sometimes words can be just as deceiving as looks.

After that, we chatted with Mr. Skin about some fresh-off-the-tube celebrity nudity, including Queen Latifah’s nude debut. Don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s too old to bare all on TV, they are dead wrong.

Next up, we tricked out our Morning Show tricycle in honor of the Ducati article in the May issue of Playboy, in a short segment we’re calling Boob-cati. A mechanical tongue and dick handle bars are always good ideas, and should really come standard.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Miss May herself, Brittany Brousseau! We talked with her about some of her most recent celebrity encounters, her new video game show that just got picked up, and ran through a quick Playmate Pick Six. While she was in the studio with us, we revealed that at one time Ms. May wanted to join the police academy. We’re into making Playmate dreams come true in any way we can, so we had our models go through some police-style basic training in her honor. Imagine getting pulled over by Brittany. Now imagine how hard it would be to not use that lame speeding ticket pick-up line.

Tuesday 5/19/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 19, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s Tuesday here in the Mini Mansion, where all the clothes are half off or more!

We started the show off with a quick interview with one of our models who just made Cyber Girl of the Month for May, Reyna Arriaga. You can follow her on Instagram and help her get the next level with some likes at @Reynaarriaga_. And you thought likes were meaningless.

After that, we checked out a video from our red carpet interviews at the Reality TV Awards with our correspondent Dorothy. We saw some familiar faces from the Morning Show and even got a few of the stars to accidentally talk about how they lost their virginity! In your face, E! Network.

We then ran through a series of tests to determine whether or not someone’s happiness can be hindered by actually having too much sex. It sounds blasphemous, so we hooked our girls up to our Joy-o-meter and saw how happy they were while they jogged in place. Turns out our experimental results were tainted because we overlooked a fatal flaw in our testing equipment: the Joy-o-meter was actually just hooked up to Dan’s pants. This is the third experiment that’s been ruined in this way, and we haven’t learned our lesson yet.

Next, we brought in Illeana Douglas, star of the NBC show “Welcome to Sweden,” which just released its first season on DVD. Illeana also has a book out called “I Blame Dennis Hopper,” about how her parents converted to hippie-ism after seeing the movie “Easy Rider.” We only pray that people start following the tenets put forth on our show; the world would be a much sexier place indeed.

After a break, we came back with rapper and comedian Lil’ Dicky, who’s working on his new album “Professional Rapper.” His rise to stardom started almost two years ago when his first video got over a million views in one day and he quit his day job to pursue it full time. Be sure to catch him on his Professional Rapper tour across America this summer.

To close out the show, we presented Lil Dicky with some ideas on how to expand his brand, like all good rapper/entrepreneurs do. We modeled some apparel, some food and water items, and pitched some movie/reality tv ideas, much to the overwhelmed surprise of Dicky. Diversify your revenue streams, that’s rap rule #1.

Monday 5/18/15

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to another episode of the Playboy Morning Show, brought to your by our sponsor, Invisible Panties. Invisible Panties: It’s Like Wearing Nothing At All!

To start off the show, we checked out a clip from last week’s Playmate of the Year announcement at the Mansion (the big one, not our mini one). As you’ve definitely heard by now, Miss May 2014 Dani Mathers took home the crown of PMOY 2015, and we couldn’t be happier to see someone who started on our show go so far. Not like she’s anywhere near done yet or anything. We sent our own Dorothy to interview the Playmates and celebs in attendance, and get the low-down on what was going on in the Grotto. But we’ll have to wait ’til later in the show to hear from the PMOY herself… Stay tuned!

Next, we read through some of our #PlayboyMoandays submissions from sad workers all over the country, and we gotta say… there sure are a lot of you. Stay strong, workforce of America and beyond… stay strong.

After that, we welcomed in Dan Hill, a representative from the Prop Store here in Los Angeles. They’re having a live auction May 29th that you can be a part of online, by phone, or in person (if you feel like stopping by the Universal City Hilton here in California, that is). Dan showed off some of the props you can bid on, including the famous “ball-chinnian” from “Men in Black 2″ and a real-life Gremlin! Don’t feed it after midnight.

We wanted to get some of our props appraised here, so that we can make a few extras bucks before we hit the racetracks this weekend. If we don’t earn enough, Big Tony’s gonna break our legs, but that’s a story for a different blog. Our models each brought in one well-known prop from Morning Shows past and Dan was kind enough to give us some estimates, both before and after we sexxed them up a bit. Let that be a lesson to anyone thinking of going on the Antiques Roadshow: a little sexiness never makes the price go down.

We took a short break and then checked out our interview with PMOY 2015 Dani Mathers from last week’s event at the Mansion, and it seems like she couldn’t be happier. We would be too if we got a brand-new Mini Cooper. Maybe she’ll let us borrow it if we ask nicely.

To close out the show, we played some good ol’ Playboy Feud: Models vs. Props edtiion! Our sexy ladies came in and squared off against Dan and Matt from the Prop Store, as they both tried to guess the survey answers about bedroom faux pas, sexy foods, and our lovable host Dan Cummins.

Speaking of Dan… It was his birthday this past weekend, so we got him a cake with a clown on it, because we heard he’s deathly afraid of clowns. That way, more cake for us!


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 161 other followers