Monday 4/27/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 27, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Let’s tear the protective seal off of this brand new week and finish it off before the expiration date.

This Monday Morning Show began with a very special PSA fashion show, where our models took some male fashion faux-pas and made them sexy simply by putting them on. Men, take note! These looks are officially out of style and should be out of your closet.

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After that, we checked out some hot mugshots from some fine female felons and Andrea and Dan tried to see if they were too crazy to “Bust Out”. We’ve found that the hotter the girl, the easier it is to rationalize what she’s done. The trick is to just think of your mugshot as a glamour shot.

Next, we read some Constructive Criticisms from viewers like you, this time relating to our “Full Blouse” videos on Youtube. Seems that some people got the joke better than others, and a few got it even better than we did. That’s the magic of the internet, folks: bringing strange people together.

We took a short break and then read some letters in our Tough Love segment. Both our models and Andrea gave some light-hearted, soft advice to the letter-writers, and then Dan brought out the bucket of hard truth and rained down a torrent of Tough Love on their seemingly life-consuming problems. It’s not pretty, but it is effective.

We then welcomed in Paul Johansson, star of the final season of “Mad Men,” and the CW’s “One Tree Hill” back in the day. Paul talked about growing up on the mean streets of Canada, and some crazy fan interactions, where they have blurred the line between him and the character he played. It’s dangerous work, this acting stuff.


To close out the show, we tested Paul’s advertising expertise in a segment called Ass-vertising. Paul went head-to-head with ¬†our models and tried to guess the zoomed-in company logo before they could, in order to have them lose clothing. Sex sells.

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Thursday 4/23/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 23, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Take your bra off and throw it over your shoulder, it’s a Throw-Rack Thursday!

Today we stared the show with a little movie magic: we had our girls come in and show what it’s really like behind-the-scenes during some of your favorite movie sex scenes. Well, it would be, in a perfect world where even the key grip is a sexy model. It really gives a new meaning to “boom pole.” We could continue, but we’ll spare you.

Speaking of sexy movies, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone with some new nudity to talk about, including a 49-year-old naked Salma Hayek, who still looks quite good. Seriously, that woman must be part fine wine, because she has aged ridiculously well.

Next, we welcomed in Adult Film Star Kayden Kross, to talk about the new male sex toy Fleshlight modeled after her own lady bits. Everyone in this business knows you’re not really a full-fledged ‘star’ until they mold you, so congrats to Kayden on this historic accomplishment.


While Kayden was in studio, we had her judge our models’ sex-toy-making skillz, in a game called Dil-Doh. After much careful crafting and a few tragic mishaps, they were completed! These may only be prototype dildos, but we like their ideas. Less Shark Tank, and more Spank Tank.


We took a short break and then welcomed in Brad Williams, whose new Showtime comedy special “Fun Size,” which premieres on May 8th. Brad’s a long-time friend of the show, and we’re super excited to see his very first one-hour comedy special that he edited, and did all in one take. Impressive stuff by anyone’s standards. What’s more impressive is his Full House-inspired story about how he scared John Stamos. Here’s our shameless plug: check out episode two of our parody series “Full Blouse” on Youtube right now!

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To close out the show, we played How Low Can You Go, where our models competed in varioud “low”-themed activities, like posing with our low-rider, limbo-ing, and eating some “low hanging fruit” off of another girl’s bra. Just don’t call it low-brow.

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Wednesday 4/22/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Welcome to a slippery Wednesday here in the Mini Mansion. Don’t let it get away from you!

We began things today by talking about Earth Day, which is today. If you forgot to get a present for the Earth on its special day, maybe just try to reduce your carbon footprint a little bit. We have some alternative energy sources that we’re trying out today, based on an idea we saw on Pornhub, where you generate power by whacking off. We had our girls do activities and then measured the electricity produced with an old-timey light bulb. Science!

After that, we brought in Chad L. Coleman, star of such legendary TV shows as “The Wire” and “The Walking Dead.” His new multi-platform project, “Treadwater” features him as one of the characters, and he’s executive producing the entire thing. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that the “L” in his name stands for “Success.” I guess that is pretty surprising, actually.

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We then brought in our models for them to run through a Choose Your Own Ass-venture… um, adventure. They traveled through space, fought zombies, and even had to deal with corrupt Polish union workers, all like characters from Chad’s various wildly successful shows. In the end, they got what they were trying to get, but more importantly, they got naked! If free will is a myth, explain THAT, philosophers.

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After a short break, we returned with a short Earth Day fashion show, where our girls built outfits using only sustainable and recycled parts. It’s good for the Earth, and good for your eyes, as plants and clear plastic bottles don’t offer much coverage.

To close out the show, we had our girls play some Spin the Model, with our very special sponsor for the show, Get Wet Lubricant. Ruby was the lucky gal to be spun in a tub full of the fabulous, hemp-based lube, and our other gals acted out various tasks based on where she landed.It’s like Twister, if the spinning was the funnest part.

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Tuesday 4/21/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 21, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Good thing weed doesn’t give you hangovers, right, stoner friends?

We started our show off today by previewing things to come, by guessing whether a zoomed-in picture was of titties, pussy, or ass. How’s that different from any other show? Well, you’ll just have to read on to find out, now won’t you?

After that, we welcomed in Jackson Galaxy, star of Animal Planet’s “My Cat From Hell,” currently in its sixth season airing Saturdays at 8. Even if you’re not a cat person, it’s a wonder to watch Jackson work and become one with the mind of a feline friend. If he told us he was part cat, we’d be inclined to believe him.


As Jackson was in the studio, we entered¬†the ‘pussy’ part of our show, with a game called The Pussy Whisperer. We pitted blondes against brunettes where they used yes-or-no to guess the preferences of their teammate. Despite some initial confusion over what constitutes a yes-or-no question, Drew and Jenny, our blonde bombshells, took the tiara for their side. For the first time ever, I get why it’s called a whispering eye. Huh.


We took a short break, and then welcomed in hip-hop legend, Sir Mix-A-Lot, whose song “I Like Big Butts” you may recognize, if you’re from this planet. Mix talked about his plans for the future (he may be live-streaming the process of his album), and some of the keys to his success. We believe that being true to yourself and saying how you feel about derrieres go hand-in-hand.


In the tits and ass portion of the show, Mix-A-Lot judged a T vs. A Battle of the Babes, where we saw each team “put ’em on the glass,” and engage in some trampoline trivia. In the end, butts won out, to the surprise of pretty much no one.

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Monday 4/20/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 20, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s 4/20, and like, that’s far out, man…

We started our totally green-tastic show today by talking with our models about deal-breaking habits (like smoking weed) for relationships, in our Hot Girl Focus Group. Usually when weed is involved, it’s hard to focus, but not today!

After that, our girls made their way over to our Rear Pong table to play some sexy Beirut (not the country, although there’s probably some sexy people there, too). When they made a cup, the verb on the ball was done to the matching body part on the bottom of the cup, making for a very interesting twist on an old party classic. Although it probably wouldn’t do as well with frat bros playing.

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We took a short break and then came back to build a high-food feast, in our Making Munchies segment. Each model started out with a different baseline ingredient, and then went nuts with stoner-riffic toppings and accoutrements to create the most delicious concoction of them all! If any of this is making you hungry, you may want to put down the joint for a sec.


We then welcomed in Heather Sossaman, star of the new film “Unfriended,” which is in theaters now. The entire movie was shot using a computer screen with Skype, making it the next “Blair Witch Project” or “Paranormal Activity”, a low-budget yet inventive horror film to completely clean up at the box office. Heather plays the girl doing the haunting/killing in this movie, but in real life, the only thing sweeter than her is probably those nutella-covered Twinkies from earlier.

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While Heather was in studio, we played a social media-centric game called Trends, Tweets, and Trolls… Oh My! Each of our models catwalked as a different social media personality that we love to hate, and then gave us a brief description. In the end, Gabrielle, our gym rat selfie girl for the day, took home the top prize. Does this mean she’s un-friended now too?


Thursday 4/16/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 16, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

It’s #ThirstyThursday around the world today, except in the far east… where it’s already tomorrow. Wait, is that really how that works? Wild stuff, man.

It being Thursday and all, we would be remiss if we didn’t open the show with a call from Mr. Skin, that pun/nudity enthusiast that we all know and love. Game of Thrones is starting back up again, and you’d be hard-pressed to find a guy more excited than Skin. We’d be shocked if he didn’t have a whole department dedicated to that show alone.

Then, we hit our Gratuitous Nudity button, and some non-sequitur nakedness filled our studio and then left as soon as it came.

Next, we welcomed in Tom & Dan, radio/podcast personalities who are fresh off their nominations at the Podcast Awards, and we can see why: the only thing mediocre about their show is the title, “A Mediocre Time”. These guys can make anything fun and entertaining, and our girls can make anything sexy, so with their powers combined, they’d be unstoppable. We tried to prove this in our The Greatest Time of All Time Times Infinity segment, where the guys read boring sentences and our girls tried to sex them up. And sex them up they did, sometimes to a confusing level. When you’re so turned on, you’re confused, that’s a good sign.

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We took a short break and then brought in rapper and hip-hop artist Problem, who’s here to promote his show at the House of Blues right here in LA on 4/20. If you don’t know where that is, just follow the cloud of smoke sure to be emanating from the venue, you can’t miss it. Problem’s been busy since he’s last been on our show, making music and videos and mixtapes, so he could always use some extra help. We had our girls try out to be the Next Hip Hop Hottie, trying out their graffiti tags, rhyme skills, and dance moves. How do you top off a stiff competition street-style? Making it rain, of course!

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Wednesday 4/15/15

Posted in Uncategorized on April 15, 2015 by Playboy Morning Show

Meow Meow Meow, it’s the Morning Show.

Today’s show began with a sour reminder: it’s Tax Day, everybody’s least favorite government-mandated holiday, narrowly beating out St. Cover Yourself in Leeches Day. But! We felt up to the challenge of making this hated day a little bit better with some sexiness, so we busted out the Tit Tax Toe game and Cody and International Playmate Marissa duked it out. There’s no CAT games when you’re dealing with bureaucracy, unfortunately.


After that, we welcomed in Miss April 2015, Alexandra Tyler! This month’s issue of Playboy features this beautiful brunette and is on news stands now, so definitely check out her badass Downtown LA Warehouse rocker-girl pics. We sent Mariela in to help Alexandra with her Playmate Pick Six, as she tries for her own place in the history of the Mini Mansion, in pursuit of the perfect 6/6. As usual, I mean… FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER this Playmate got all the questions right and will live on in the hallowed halls of the Mini Mansion forever. Well, she would, if we had any halls.

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After a quick two minute break, we ran through some Raw Data LIVE, that you may or may not have been aware of. Studies show that adding hot girls to random facts and statistics helps make it sexier, and therefore, more fun! The jury’s still out on whether you actually retain the information.

We then brought in actor Michael Rooker, whom you may recognize from little projects like “The Walking Dead” and “Guardians of the Galaxy.” You know, just two wildly successful projects, no biggie. Michael is promoting his appearances around the country at Wizard World Comic Con, where you can meet him and a plethora of other celebs, comic makers, and costumed nerds and ask questions to your heart’s content!

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To close out the show, Michael gave our girls a lesson in Naughty Karate, as he is an accomplished master of self-defense himself. Our “breakable” boards left a little to be desired, but we did actually learn some nice tips and tricks if ever anyone is trying to attack us. So, bring it on, world! Just, be gentle.

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